I realised the other night, that I actually enjoy bedtime.
Right. I know most enjoy it .. but I have never ever not ever.
Aside from the nightmares that had plagued me forever.. sleep is the ultimate vulnerability.
Yup. Let that soak.
So becoming aware of the fact that I actually enjoy, not just being a little ok, but enjoy, look forward too .. bed and sleep. .
Is fuck ing A Maze ing
Deep ass grief
What I know could have been
It’s not bitterness
It’s just loss
Loss and grief
And as I come to an end
As we all do
I can feel, not regret
It’s been a long long long
fyi .. the world hasn’t just recently turned into a shit fest ..
it’s always been that way.
just the skids are showing now 🙄
& still cunts wanna put glitter on it & call it ‘content’.
fuck me. it’s some bullshit alright.
why does everything have to be some kinda long winded learning moment or photo op.
trying to heal things that were never mine or never intended for me to heal.
is some fucked up shit.
why cant they just say what they mean.
wouldn’t have thought that it’d be so hard.
but so far.
a different kind of fuckery.
& not to take away from the good shit thats been happening.
but holy shit balls.
i dunno even what month we in.
& its been a fucked up ride so far.