The house that my kids and mokos moved in to recently, has been sold and they are on the move again. This time they are going back into town.
Being in the countryside has done them all the most amazing world of good. The mokos (grandchildren) have discovered their groove and rediscovered their confidence. My eldest daughter has found her groove, gotten herself a new job – which she’s loving, and most importantly, she’s learnt how to say No to the stuff she doesn’t want or need! My youngest daughter has a new appreciation for her sister and the amount of work she does … the stresses that face a mama with 3 extremely strong willed little darlings. She has also found her groove and another layer of confidence. She enrolled in a hair dressing course, which she’s loving! It’s so nice to see her happy at what she’s doing. And her little midget, #4 moko, has thrived with her cousins around. She’s loved and protected – x6 … and she’s benefiting from that. And the oldest girls partner … well he makes Me proud :) He struggles with so much feminine strength around him lol … but he too, is finding his groove.
So, my eldest daughter rang Me at midnight the other night … and once I realised there was No pending emergency, she says … ‘Well you’re usually awake, so I thought I’d ring for a chat and to see how you are’ LOL … how could I refuse that :)
As we do, we got into deep conversation pretty quickly and a couple things came out.
To digress though: Me and the partner had been discussing the ‘kids and puppy’ video thats been doing the rounds on social media recently. This dude set up an experiment to lure kids away from a park, (with their parents present) with a cute little puppy. Every single kid went with the stranger; rightly so, the parents were horrified. Now theres all kinds of shizz ethically wrong with doing this sort of experiment, but what it did bring to light – or so they thought – was that kids are easily manipulated, thus unprotected.
My comment to the partner was, that it wasn’t so much that kids were easily manipulated, but that We (society, schools, parents, friends) have taught our kids, with one hand to be socially ‘polite’, and then with the other hand, have told them not to talk to strangers etc. But technically they are not strangers after they have introduced themselves, right? We make our kids kiss aunty so-and-so, when they meet her for the first time, even when the kid doesn’t want to … because, ‘it’s rude not too’. And then We act surprised when they toodle off with a nice stranger who has a cute puppy. I reckoned my Mokos wouldn’t do this. Because what they have been taught is something very different.
A. Trust their gut.
B. If they don’t want to pucker up for aunt maude, they don’t, and they’re not told off for it.
Un-digress and back to topic…
My daughter said that she had organised for 2 of her church friends to go and pick up moko #1 & #2 after school on this particular day; but she had forgotten to tell the mokos.
So ‘after school’ arrives, and these 2 churchies rock up to the school to pick up the mokos. But they refused to get in the car. (I was chuckling by this point of the story … ). The 2 churchies did what ‘people’ usually do, which in my opinion is undermining and dangerous – they told the mokos that a. they knew who they were, so it’d be safe b. that their mother had rung them and organised this c. that it wasn’t their (the churchies) fault that the mokos mother hadn’t told them d. everything would be alright.
And the mokos still refused to get in the car with them. The mokos explanation to the churchies was: a. We are allowed to get in the car with 5 people. b. You guys are not on that list.
In the end, the churchies rang the mokos mother and bluntly said, ‘your kids won’t get in the car’. To which, my daughter replies: ‘Aw, good darlings. I forgot to tell them you were picking them up. Put them on the phone”.
Moko #1 gets on the phone … ‘Hey Mum … they’re not on the list ay.’ … ‘Yes son, you did good! I forgot to let you both know they were coming to pick you up, sorry about that. But what you did was perfect!’.
And it was!! She was proud of her babies … and I was super proud as a Nan, of my girl and the mokos :)
Then we got on to the impending move. She was worried that the mokos would be anxious and not want to go, and she was feeling guilty. So she re-framed the whole thing for them. And they re-framed it back.
Turns out they are excited to be ‘getting a new house’ cos the other is ‘old’ now.
And thats it.
They’re not anxious or overly complicated by the move … it’s just another adventure for them, and an adventure that they all get to have together! Isn’t that just beautiful :)
Turns out the whole parenting out of guilt, in my opinion, is a sickness that follows shitloads of parents … and I wonder if it has a lot to do with the resulting ‘i’m entitled’ attitudes that ooze out of some kids. It also seems to be partially responsible for the lack of common sense and reality they seem Not to possess.
But I’m proud of my kids … I’m proud of their mistakes, their efforts, their forthrightness, their ability to think, articulate, question …
I love them <3
So a couple more weeks and we will be helping them make their next move … to start their next adventure :) So exciting!