on : dead funeral stuff

Yes, it seems a little morbid, but after recent events and conversations I decided to take matters into my own hands, and plan ahead. Properly.

After a little research I found out the following (for our country anyways) … this is ‘my’ interpreted version:

  • A will doesn’t need to be done with a lawyer, it just needs to be written and witnessed by 2 people who won’t get anything out of it; the will that is.
  • You can’t bury on private land unless you have a shitload of permits.
  • Burying in a cemetery also takes a shitload of permits.
  • Why be buried with a shit tonne of people you don’t know, especially when you hardly liked people when you were alive?
  • The funeral industry is just that; an industry. They’ll make a buck off’ve anything.
  • A service is held for customary reasons. There’s no real necessity in it.
  • You don’t need a casket to be buried in, or cremated in.
  • You don’t need to be embalmed.
  • You don’t need to be cut up unless you died some heinous way and they want to poke around and find the cause of death.
  • If you get buried in non-biodegradable shit (including the box), that shit lingers and leeches into the earth.
  • An urn is a waste of money. A jar will do.
  • The cheapest way to go is cremation; but that still costs a shit tonne of money. I think the Vikings had the right idea.
  • It’s still possible to be buried at sea, but again, you need a shit tonne of permits.
  • Even a natural burial here, has regulations re: planting, depth of burial, buying a plot.
  • It’ll cost you a small fortune to transport the body and hire a mortician peep, but when fams are grieving, that’s the last thing they’re worried about.
  • Apparently you can get some death grant to help with expenses. How nice of them.
  • A cemetery is still Council / Crown owned. And has regulations.
  • Memorials, headstones and plinths also cost an immoral amount of money.
  • When you’re dead, You’re dead.

kpm ©


 

Image

unfucking.thyself & slowly.succeeding !

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

in amongst the week(s) that have been, both tiring & awesome … we celebrated moko 5’s 5th birthday.

part of my goals this year, have been to attend all the mokos birthdays & i knew this one was going to be full on. it also came at the end of the weekend after the exhibition, so was even more full on for sensitive little moi lol.

but i did it & did it well.

moko #5 is gorgeous. she’s so herself it’s almost intimidating lol, no actually, it’s inspiring & challenging. with the greatest of ease she is able to say what she needs, say what she doesn’t need, express her opinion and dislike and most importantly, express her love. she’s lovely to watch <3

what was also beautiful was seeing mokos #5’s family all over the place. she had her cousins from all sides … aunties, uncles, nans & grandads, all there celebrating with her. the awesome thing about moko #5’s mama is the connections she makes, and keeps, with all of her family … near & far – she’s managed to keep in touch with them all & make them part of the mokos lives. it’s a pretty cool thing to watch unfold … cos i know, they will never be alone and never be lacking in support and love. what more could a nanny ask for <3


kpm ©


 

Image

mokopuna.

mokopuna – grandchildren.


Is there anything else more special-er than mokopuna? I think not.

As I’ve been saying, moko #6 is due very soon … like any day now … I am as prepared as I can be. Excited and nervous but good.

I’ve had an interesting niggle in the last week or 2 and upon closer inspection, it turned out to be grief.

Why on earth grief?

Well …

Moko #6 is actually moko #9.

I haven’t excluded my other mokos, I just haven’t mentioned them, because I had believed it wasn’t my place.

As the grief started making its way up and out, I realised they are mine and it is my place to grieve for them and acknowledge them as I do my 2nd daughter who became an angel baby before she was born.

So, Moko #1 became an angel baby early on. Her Mama had named her but not really acknowledge the grief that accompanied her loss. Her siblings however, wanted to know where she was and they include her in all their conversations now.

I hadn’t grieved the loss of my first Moko because I had talked my girl through what was happening when she lost her. I think I felt like I didn’t deserve to grieve.

But now I do … and the grief is becoming something different. I know she, who would have been 11, is with her tipuna (ancestors) and her aunty (my girl, who would have been 29). She is loved here and loved where she is.

Then came Moko #2 (who I have until now, always called Moko #1). I was present at his birth and he was and is super perfect! I was so proud of my girl and her little bundle of cuteness. I’d do virtual anything for that kid … he’s 10 and is our little drummer now … an absolutely beautiful soul.

Then came Moko #3. She’s one in a million. She’s confident and sensitive and has an all-knowing personality / soul. She’s a talented little miss and succeeds way OTT at anything she puts her hands and mind too. She’s that kind of kid. Truly incredible.

Then there was Moko #4. She became an angel baby too. She would have been 7. I didn’t grieve her properly at all at the time because I was in mama mode. Again, I helped my girl through that time … she grieved … I didn’t. But like her cousin, she’s with her tipuna and aunty and she is loved … both here and there.

Then came Moko #5. A beautiful little soul. Such a strong willed and confident darling. She’s about to turn 5. She’s challenged all of us to be congruent and honest. She’s so herself and she’s brought the best out in her siblings, parents and her grandparents ;)

Then came Moko #6, another beautiful little girl. She’s just turned 4. This is our little singer and performer. She’s been singing and dancing and moving since she left the womb. She’s an absolute delight. Her Mama keeps in close contact with her paternal family which is awesome, so she knows all her family from both sides. She’s super gorgeous and I look forward to seeing what she will do.

Then there was Moko #7. He would have been 3. He’s our angel baby too. I didn’t grieve at all. I was so lame myself I had no room to let that emotion in. I know now, like the others, he’s with his tipuna, his aunty, sister and cousin.

Then came Moko #8. She’s just turned 1. She’s my partners biological Moko, but as far as we are all concerned, she is Ours too. She a cutie. So strong willed and adventurous, like nerve wracking adventurous lol. She’s a beauty.

And now we wait for Moko #9s arrival. He’s due anytime now and his pending arrival is exciting. His Mama is attempting to have him naturally after having 2 C sections … she’s that kinda woman!

So thats it.

I’m still processing a few tears. And these last few months have been way more than I expected … for the better.

I guess we can’t process what we don’t acknowledge. And you can’t acknowledge what you don’t know.

Now I know.

Love and light and awesomeness to Me and my Mokos and my Familia xoxo


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

SaveSave

SaveSave

Image

updates and tooting my own horn again …

This has taken a couple days to actually put together … not because it’s so detailed and in-depth and required tonnes and tonnes of amazing research …

No, it’s just taken ages to post cos whilst I am unbelievably awesome lol I also did my shizz in and am still recovering hah!

So, spur of the moment (which a. I don’t do and b. I don’t do ever …) I decided to go to my moko’s school assembly. I had been pondering on for a couple days and on the morning of, I announced to the partner I would be going.

He looked freaked out and rather stunned but to his credit, rolled with it.

What made Me decide to do such an out left field thing for Me? Because more and more I am beginning to realise that we only have ONE life and it has an expiry date. Whilst I know I need to do things at My pace and how it works for Me (and thats taking practice), there are certain times that I know it’s just fear that’s stopping Me. Not just the run of mill pts(d) fear, but the fear of the fear of the run of the mill pts(d) fear. And it’s those times that I’m trying my fucking hardest to conquer.

Friday was one of those days.

So I got my shit together and got in the car and we went.

I was nervous but reasonably prepared. And btw, I was planning on wearing shoes but decided last minute that shoes just make Me feel more claustrophobic so I was better off without them! So I rolled with that.

Last time I went to mokos school assembly I was more nervous (couple years ago now ..) and hadn’t really learned about my sensory freak outs, so this time I was better prepared.

I took the drugs. Just cos. It’s way harder without them and at the moment it’s all about desensitising my shizz and the drugs help with that.

I also had the earplugs! And thank fuck for the earplugs! They did the business alright. It took out a whole sensory element and I was able to just focus on smell and sight fuckery … oh and balance lol.

But I did it! I stood throughout the assembly cos for some reason, sitting on small awkwardly arranged chairs, crammed up next to a smelly somebody I don’t know, is not my idea of relaxing. So I stood right by the back door way and I managed to take photos.

The only fuck up … which was epic really … and I wouldn’t really call it a fuck up … but it certainly called unnecessary attention to myself …

When one is wearing earplugs, one can’t hear whats happening around you, which is awesome: one can also not tell how loud one is speaking. Sooooo, when I said “get out of the way dick” in what I thought was a quiet voice … turns out it was loud enough for my moko to hear at the other end of the hall.

So yeah … be warned … if you wear earplugs, you speak louder than you think your speaking. Lol.

Anyways … I had a great time watching the moko … I’m so proud of him :)

Afterwards, I went and hung out with my youngest daughter at her new home and caught up with moko #5 … that was cool :)

And then we all had dinner back at my other daughters house. It was so cool … I felt … calm … happy … included ;)

Moko #2 made Me this:

…which made my night.

I came home feeling full and happy and warm xo

And … it’s taken 2 days to recover lol.

But it was worth it!


kpm ©


 

Image

photography .20

#moko #shutdown #macro #photography #kpm ©


kpm ©


 

SaveSave

Image

unfucked memory.

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

Another ‘moko’ aka Grandbaby memory:

The Mokos (Grandchildren / Grandchild) Koro (Grandfather) (my partner) makes a cooked breakfast most mornings. Even though their parents would usually have given the mokos their usual breakfast / milk or whatever it was that was their norm; once ‘cooked breakfast’ arrived, each moko (except for 1 – Moko 3), would crawl up onto his lap whilst he was eating and starting poking around at his toast and baked beans, the sausages and bacon. He’s complain about them ‘eating all his breakfast’ and they’d sit happily on his lap eating away, till the plate was empty.

Mokos aged 9 and 8 still do they same thing, but without crawling up into his lap now. He’ll ask them if they want a cooked breakfast … they reply No … and then as he dishes up, they appear with: “Oh, Koro, can we have some baked beans …”, he rolls his eyes and dishes up extra plates of food.

What I really enjoyed this morning was the stories he told them of all the times they’d eaten up his breakfast, followed by the hysterical belly rolling laughter that followed. They sat and ate and laughed for nearly an hour.

I guess the important thing about growing up are the memories. For these darling Mokos, I really hope they embrace the memories and the laughter. Some of the most important things in this life.

<3


kpm ©


 

just a rant waiting to happen:

As previously stated on many, many an occasion, these are my beefs:

  • colonisation
  • misogyny
  • sexual assault, particularly of children
  • racism

I rant these topics regularly.

I follow these topics.

I respond to these topics.

I also live these topics.

I am also trying to resolve these topics on the daily.

They’re not a passing fad.

They’re not an ‘in thing’ for the moment.

They’ve been and will continue to be a lifetime of outworking, responding, resistance and resolving.

I have to.

I am brown.

I am a biological woman.

There aint no other choice.

My resistance of these topics has taken variations, particularly over the last couple of years. By responding verbally, I have been able to clarify and resolve them in part.

I have started to become more aware however, of a peculiar type of fuckery involved with misogyny, that has probably been there for way longer than I’ve been noticing it; but thusly noticed, I am beholden to respond.

With colonisation, theres a peeling back of the layers to find the crux of the issue. For Me, this has been a decade or so of said peelage and the crux usually turns out to be another layer to peel away.

At the core however, colonisation holds it strength in a persons/cultures mindset. Sure there are the systemic layers that we fight against; that we can work to change legislation on; that we can unpack and reframe. But at the end of the day, the war is left to play out, within our minds.

What do I mean?

Take for example, the changing of educational legislation. We can restore our native language; we can start our own schools; we can work to have bilingual units within the mainstream; we can argue to have our (accurate history) taught within the curriculum.

But can we abolish all Crown education?

No.

Not without starting a riot or 10.

And for Me, this is the crux.

They layer bullshit over bullshit; feed us crumbs and let us ‘have’ slight changes. But at the centre of all of this, we are fighting for a system that was thrust, quite violently, upon Us. It’s not something we asked for, or petitioned for, or voted for or discussed and agreed too.

So what are we really fighting for?

To be heard within a system that is inherently, not ours? Why? It’s not ours!

And the same layered bullshit is repeated with everything “Crown”. The justice system, the health system, the economic system … they were all thrust violently upon us.

Is the answer not in, extracting ourselves from all of it? Is that even practical? Or maybe the answer is finding a way to live within it without it muddying up our waters?

What is Not cool though, is those that believe we should ‘get over’ the past and ‘move on’. But that moving on isn’t ‘ours’; its what is ‘prescribed’ For Us.

Now if this looks familiar when placed over the misogyny concept, that’s because it is. It’s the same fuckery.

Over the centuries women have had male theories of what and who we are and should be, violently thrust upon us. As we have peeled back those layers to get to the truth and to undo the damage, we have been prescribed another male concept of how and who we should be.

Yes, you can vote. Yes, you can be gay. Yes, you can work outside the home. Yes, you can be a prostitute, legally. Yes, you can marry another woman. Yes, you can have mammograms and smears. Yes, you can have your babies in a hospital.

But why are we asking permission for something we can do anyway and asking to do something that was not changed at our behest and was rehashed, Not as our choice in the first place?

Over the centuries we have been ladened with roles and reversals. We’ve been told we have No rights / are property. We’ve been burnt, raped, beaten, stripped, re-assigned, removed, silenced and murdered. Why? Because misogyny says it can treat us like that? Similar to the slave owner mentality, it is believed that women are nothing more than chattels.

The fuckery however, lies in Us believing this bullshit. Being so worn down, that we believe their bullshit; re-live their bullshit; teach their bullshit … and take anything that looks slightly positive, as making ‘strides in the right direction’.

“But it’s changed – women are listened too now … they have options …”

Really?

Take this for example then:

Your average thriller movie scene. A woman. A prostitute. Being picked up by a customer who looks like he hasn’t showered in a decade or 2 … The scene focuses on what she has to offer: which is of course – tits and ass. It focuses on what she’s selling – sexuality. It focuses on what she was unable to do when she’s attacked because he believes he’s to good to pay for a whore. It focuses on the ‘whore-ness’ and what she did to bring this attack on: thats right – tits and ass and sexuality. Theres no winning here. She’s fucked if she does, and fucked if she doesn’t.

My point?

Our society Still feeds the ‘women are commodities’ theory and the ‘mother theresa versus slut’ theory. We sell it. We buy into it. We believe it. Men and women alike.

So while we have ‘advanced’ as such, we are still fighting the age old fight of being heard. But who silenced Us? Why did they silence Us? Why do they insist on telling Us what to do and what to be? Are they threatened? Who let them prescribe what we should be like? How we should respond? And how we should resolve it?

Don’t believe this mentality is still being perpetuated on the daily?

The other day I heard a parent say the following to their 3 year old daughter:

“Close your legs darling … we don’t want to see your underwear”

I cringed. I mean, I cringed hard!

Everything in Me screamed … “Why? Why the fuck should this little person close their legs? So an adult doesn’t see their underwear? Whats wrong with underwear? Why are you worried about underwear? Is there something underlying that your Not stating?”

And I can hear the rhetoric now!

And I had this conversation with my partner, just to gauge the ‘temperature’ of that rhetoric. Apparently … men are just trying to ‘protect our virtue’ … still. But who asked them to protect our virtue? What the fuck is virtue anyways? And who are you protecting our virtue from? Other women?

No. Your protecting your chattel from other men.

And this mentality has been deeply embedded within us. And comments like the above one, not only teach us that theres something wrong with us having our legs open; our underwear; having fun; being a child … but it teaches us to Care what other people think of Us. It teaches Us that we are property; that we need protection from an unseen threat; that we should be afraid; that we should be modest and ladylike …. that we should fit a certain ‘role’.

Do you feel Me?

We are being told, advertently and inadvertently, what and who we should be; how and where we should act. And within those parameters we are fighting; we are responding; we are trying to gain leverage; trying to ‘make it’; trying … trying all the time.

This is what I call the colonisation of the mind … with misogyny.

We’ve become what they wanted. We respond as they want. We defend as they want. We Teach as they want.

The fuckery again:

Now, We, not them, are teaching our children this assimilative bullshit.

Mamas are telling their daughters they need to be modest. Why? Because we bought into the ‘virtue’ bullshit? Yep, and we bought into the gender role bullshit and we’re teaching that shit. ‘We’ are teaching gender  and roles.

Why?

Why can’t we find our own prescribed method of being? Why can’t we teach our babies to Be … Be themselves! Why are we teaching them to fit a gender role or a sexuality type or a job type or a face to wear in public? Whats wrong with teaching them to be strong, to explore, to resolve, to think, to laugh, to love, to care, to use their initiative, to develop … these aren’t gender specific or role specific qualities. They’re growing decent human being qualities.

[Side note: this is how our indigenous ancestors lived.]

I’m not sure that I’ve completely unfolded what this all means for Me or my mokos … but I’m sure as shit not having them believe they are only good for certain things based on some white archaic view of gender. And when I say mokos, I don’t just mean my biological female grand babies … I mean all of them. I don’t want our biological males believing they have the right to dominate based on their penis. I also don’t want them to believe that they have to be some stereotypical patriarchal, ‘thou shalt not cry … harden up or go home’ ‘male’ either. I just want them to Be, and to Not be assholes.

Be themselves … Be decent humans.


kpm ©


 

Image

miss moko #4s born day

For Me: Grandma, and all my ‘hiccups’ … yesterday was freaking exhausting and freaking awesome!!

I love being round my family … I love soaking up their goodness … seeing their smiles and hearing their laughter. It’s so good for the soul!

And yesterday was one of those days.

My girl had done so well with the food prep and decorations and was still pretty cool, calm and collected by the time we got there.

Moko #4 was owning it, as she does ;)

We laughed, and sang, and danced, and ate, and drank, and ate some more and sang some more. Moko #1 had prepared a little song and drum solo for his cousins birthday, so while we ate some more, he did his thing.

And what a beautiful thing that was! I was so proud of him :)

By the time we had rounded up the day I was even more exhausted than I had been at the beginning of the day lol. But it was a nice exhausted.

My only anxiety flutter came on our way to the mokos house, when we stopped at the garage to gas up the car. It just felt noisey and bright and that started the usual bullshit for Me … but I breathed deep, closed my eyes and blocked my ears for a couple of minutes and it seemed to subside slightly. Enough to last till the partner had done his thing and we were off again.

Whew.

I’m hoping for more of these days. I seem to be able to manage the things I enjoy … not so much the things I don’t want to do or have to fake.

Lesson learnt? : Don’t do anything I don’t want to do?

Sounds good to Me.


kpm ©


 

moko #2.

Like all the mokos, moko #2 is special … and being a nanny means I am completely biased … as I should be. However, what gets Me about moko #2, or little miss 8 now … is she’s a pain in the ass lol. What admire though is how she is able to ‘read the room’ (in her unique way) and figure out in minutes what a person’s vulnerability or sore point is. She generally can figure out what she needs to do to exploit that persons weakness to get what she wants. On its own, this ‘trait’ sounds kinda dodgy lol … but I realised one day, that this shit is what people train for when they go into sales … how to read a person and exploit their ‘weakness’ to get a sale.

Well miss moko has figured out how to do this all on her own ;)

Whats also interesting though, is she won’t exploit the ‘actual’ vulnerable.

We have a nephew who has severe CP, and miss 8 / moko #2, will spend hours playing quietly with him. This is a 2 fold thing for her though … 1. she’s able to hang out with the nephew and spend time with him and 2. when she wants quiet time, if she goes by him, no-one bugs her because ‘polite people’ can’t deal with a severely impaired CP nephew; so they leave them both alone. Now how freaking genius is that.

I admire that moko #2 is able to manage her; is able to get what she needs and what she wants; I admire that she pushes every and any boundary to adjust and find her own; I admire that she pisses people off so easily and isn’t terribly phased – cos you know how many years people sit in a councillors office trying to figure this shit ay!; I admire that she ‘sees’ people – their insides – their intent – long before the person can themselves.

Added to all this charm, moko #2 is an awesome little fashionista. She knows what she likes and how to put it together and she doesn’t give a rats ass what other people think or say … because there have been some rude bastards comment on how ‘she’s put together’, criticising her style. But she brushes it off like it aint no thing … and usually gives them a look of  … ‘what ever ; you obviously have no idea’ lol. Not once does she take any of that criticism on board!

I love miss moko #2 … I can’t wait to see what she does next ;)


kpm ©


 

my babies are on the move again

The house that my kids and mokos moved in to recently, has been sold and they are on the move again. This time they are going back into town.

Being in the countryside has done them all the most amazing world of good. The mokos (grandchildren) have discovered their groove and rediscovered their confidence. My eldest daughter has found her groove, gotten herself a new job – which she’s loving, and most importantly, she’s learnt how to say No to the stuff she doesn’t want or need! My youngest daughter has a new appreciation for her sister and the amount of work she does … the stresses that face a mama with 3 extremely strong willed little darlings. She has also found her groove and another layer of confidence. She enrolled in a hair dressing course, which she’s loving! It’s so nice to see her happy at what she’s doing. And her little midget, #4 moko, has thrived with her cousins around. She’s loved and protected – x6 … and she’s benefiting from that. And the oldest girls partner … well he makes Me proud :) He struggles with so much feminine strength around him lol … but he too, is finding his groove.

So, my eldest daughter rang Me at midnight the other night … and once I realised there was No pending emergency, she says … ‘Well you’re usually awake, so I thought I’d ring for a chat and to see how you are’ LOL … how could I refuse that :)

As we do, we got into deep conversation pretty quickly and a couple things came out.

To digress though: Me and the partner had been discussing the ‘kids and puppy’ video thats been doing the rounds on social media recently. This dude set up an experiment to lure kids away from a park, (with their parents present) with a cute little puppy. Every single kid went with the stranger; rightly so, the parents were horrified. Now theres all kinds of shizz ethically wrong with doing this sort of experiment, but what it did bring to light – or so they thought – was that kids are easily manipulated, thus unprotected.

My comment to the partner was, that it wasn’t so much that kids were easily manipulated, but that We (society, schools, parents, friends) have taught our kids, with one hand to be socially ‘polite’, and then with the other hand, have told them not to talk to strangers etc. But technically they are not strangers after they have introduced themselves, right? We make our kids kiss aunty so-and-so, when they meet her for the first time, even when the kid doesn’t want to … because, ‘it’s rude not too’. And then We act surprised when they toodle off with a nice stranger who has a cute puppy. I reckoned my Mokos wouldn’t do this. Because what they have been taught is something very different.

A. Trust their gut.

B. If they don’t want to pucker up for aunt maude, they don’t, and they’re not told off for it.

Un-digress and back to topic…

My daughter said that she had organised for 2 of her church friends to go and pick up moko #1 & #2 after school on this particular day; but she had forgotten to tell the mokos.

So ‘after school’ arrives, and these 2 churchies rock up to the school to pick up the mokos. But they refused to get in the car. (I was chuckling by this point of the story … ). The 2 churchies did what ‘people’ usually do, which in my opinion is undermining and dangerous – they told the mokos that a. they knew who they were, so it’d be safe b. that their mother had rung them and organised this c. that it wasn’t their (the churchies) fault that the mokos mother hadn’t told them d. everything would be alright.

And the mokos still refused to get in the car with them. The mokos explanation to the churchies was: a. We are allowed to get in the car with 5 people. b. You guys are not on that list.

In the end, the churchies rang the mokos mother and bluntly said, ‘your kids won’t get in the car’. To which, my daughter replies: ‘Aw, good darlings. I forgot to tell them you were picking them up. Put them on the phone”.

Moko #1 gets on the phone … ‘Hey Mum … they’re not on the list ay.’ … ‘Yes son, you did good! I forgot to let you both know they were coming to pick you up, sorry about that. But what you did was perfect!’.

And it was!! She was proud of her babies … and I was super proud as a Nan, of my girl and the mokos :)

Then we got on to the impending move. She was worried that the mokos would be anxious and not want to go, and she was feeling guilty. So she re-framed the whole thing for them. And they re-framed it back.

Turns out they are excited to be ‘getting a new house’ cos the other is ‘old’ now.

And thats it.

They’re not anxious or overly complicated by the move … it’s just another adventure for them, and an adventure that they all get to have together! Isn’t that just beautiful :)

Turns out the whole parenting out of guilt, in my opinion, is a sickness that follows shitloads of parents … and I wonder if it has a lot to do with the resulting ‘i’m entitled’ attitudes that ooze out of some kids. It also seems to be partially responsible for the lack of common sense and reality they seem Not to possess.

But I’m proud of my kids … I’m proud of their mistakes, their efforts, their forthrightness, their ability to think, articulate, question …

I love them <3

So a couple more weeks and we will be helping them make their next move … to start their next adventure :) So exciting!


kpm ©


 

Image

moko #3.

My moko #3.

She’s a beauty. She’s 3 and has always been mamas girl.

Which has produced this secure, steadfast, knows exactly what she likes and doesn’t like, kind of little darling.

What is ultra funny though … and I appreciate immensely, is that she seems to be able to intimidate most people. I’ve even seen grown men squirm ;)

As strange as this sounds, it is true.

Little darling won’t talk if she doesn’t want to. Especially if she doesn’t understand what it is your saying … or if what you’re saying is bullshit ;)

As the ‘conversation’ evolves, you can see the adult digging themselves a big ass hole that they pretty much cover over themselves too. All the while, Miss 3 hasn’t said a word but has kept eye contact throughout.

Everything that ends up pouring out of the adults mouth, are all those uncomfortable little social innuendos that people do in social situations, but aren’t really ‘anything’.

With Miss 3, it goes abit like this:

‘Oh, you’re so cute; How old are you; i bet you love kindy; which kindy do you go too; oh thats a pretty dress; did your mama buy that dress; oh i see you have chocolate; aren’t you a lucky girl; oh you don’t say much do you; she’s cute though …..’

The hole has been dug at this point.

None of that ‘conversation’ is for anyones sake other than the adults. They’re not actually asking questions for Miss 3 to answer, they’re just filling up the air with that whiney ‘ohhhhhh, you’re so cute’ voice that people like to make when they talk at children.

The Brilliance of Miss 3 …. ” Homie don’t play that ;) ”

Oh I love her … I feel like we’re kindred spirits LOL.

Well, the other day … Miss 3, chose this little treat for Me.

The partner wanted to get something ‘flashy-er’: but Miss 3 chose this.

And I loved that she chose this one: it’s not adult-y, at all ;)


kpm ©


 

moko #1.

Moko #1 will be 9 this year. What a little man he is :)

He’s taught Me so much about being a child … being who we are …

He rocks the boat most days and has questions for miles! And both of those things, I absolutely love about him. He has the questions that no-one asks, because its ‘improper’ to do so; he’s the one who is somehow able to put things into questions when we can’t quite figure out what the question is, that needs to be asked … he’s the one that challenges everything that would appear to be right or normal, and stretches the imagination and the perception … i.e.: “who made god then???” … he’s 9 :)

I was there at his birth … and remember well the overwhelming feeling of becoming a grandmother … and the sheer joy that also came with becoming a grandmother.

And I love being a grandmother :)

He has big brown eyes and a beautiful smile. I love his nature and his way; his talents and character.

He is part of Me. I am part of Him.

And I absolutely love him to bits xoxox


kpm ©


 

 

family time

I decided to go stay with my daughters and the mokos the other day. Just for a catch up. I also think I was excited from my trip away with my Mama and that I could actually do it! I wanted to see what else I could do – stretch my limits so to speak.

And I loved it … I got to see moko 4 … lots of cuddles and stories :) And my youngest daughter … I hadn’t caught up with either of them after they returned from up north a few weeks ago.

Mokos 1, 2 and 3 … well they were their beautiful selves as well! Moko 1 has been playing the drums since he could walk and set up an elaborate construction of pots and pans on the floor and bash the living shit out of them … and now, at 8 years old, he has his own little drum kit and is having lessons. And now he’s teaching Me :) And guess what?? I think I’ve found my thing! You know, that thing that makes everything alright??!!! Yeah, well it turns out I’m not half bad! And I love bashing the living shit out of those things and making some kind of semblance of ‘music’ ;) So a set of drums is now on the ‘wish list’ slash ‘save for list’. My neighbours will be thrilled LOL.

Moko 1 is a deep wee soul too … he’s a thinker … thinks outside the box. He makes me smile :)

Then theres Moko 2. Whoaza! Miss 7 … oh, how to describe Miss 7 … sensitive – pushes the boundaries – pushes the buttons – knows the weak points in anothers personality – caring – empathetic (way beyond her years) – stroppy – vocal …

She’s gorgeous and she’s recently discovered a love for gymnastics. Not only is she extremely good it, but she loves it. You know how cool it is to see someone you love find their groove? Especially so early on in life! And for Miss 7, rhythm, dance, movement, design … these are all her things … that add to the beauty that is her :)

Moko 3 … well … she has the straightest face I’ve ever seen on a child. Piercing eyes … enough to make a grown man feel awkward. You know how proud I am of that skill LOL! And she knows what she wants … she’s nearly 3, and is very sure of what she likes and dislikes … likes, being chocolate and The Fast and The Furious LOL … dislikes, being loud noises and someone in her face! She reminds me a lot of her Mama :)

Moko 4 … has just turned 2. What a little madam :) Very cute … very particular … very much in her own groove; giving her Mama a run for her money … and now they’re living with my eldest daughter, Moko 4 is finding a whole new confidence … you know the kind that has ‘back up’. When Mama says No, she has Aunty and Uncle and Cousins she can run to, drop her lip and point to the top shelf where the ‘bic-its’ (biscuits) are, and they’ll get them for her LOL. Extremely resourceful darling :)

So, an enjoyable couple of days with everyone.

I survived … I conquered … I stretched myself … I had a couple of ‘moments’, but nothing to warrant medication ;)

And guess what?

I’m fucking exhausted now LOL!!!


kpm ©


 

Image

family fatigue ??

I have had the most amazing few days with my mokos and then last night with my daughters. They’re so beautiful … yes I am slightly biased though.

Up until this particular round of moko madness, I’ve found having them stay for longer than 24 hours, hugely challenging. Not just because these two are ‘miss nearly 3’ and ‘miss just turned 7’ and talk and ask ‘why’ incessantly … not at all LOL … but because I usually get fatigued, then overwhelmed by the noise, then frustrated, then sad, then feel them guilts, then back to fatigued … yes PTSD can be a bitch.

What I noticed quite dramatically this time though, was the lack of all those things! And in the moments that those things started to raise their ugly heads, I was able to manage them. I breathed, I ‘grounded’, I slowed down, I articulated what I needed, I made sure I got what I needed … I made sure they understood what was happening. It made the whole experience completely fucken awesome!

That corner that I rounded without really realising it … well it’s pretty bloody cool.

And as I sat up till 430am, and gas bagged with my daughters … ate chocolate … YUM … and watched cheesy funny movies … I loved every minute of it! I loved them … I loved feeling a new sense of freedom and relief.

Ahhhhh … *happy sigh*


kpm ©


 

photography & art @kpm-artist SaveSave

SaveSave