a remembering dream.

had another dream. about where i used to work.

most of them make me anxious AF, even in my dream.

i loved that place. i hated that place.

i learnt shitloads. i paid shitloads.


in my dream i remembered my first supervisor.

that there was a time when i felt reasonably safe in that place. i was learning the ropes & it was a new environment but i felt safe.

because i had that supervisor.

he was a potty mouth, brash motherfucker, who did whatever the fuck he liked.

i loved the old cunt.

he was protective of his staff. he had done the job so long he knew what to look for,  what behavioural indicators were presenting in the kids & he had no trouble pulling staff up, high and low, for trailing, or for not doing their job properly … for being unsafe.

id kind of forgotten about my experience with him.

that good feeling got drowned out by all the bullshit that happened after i was taken out of his team.

shit turned to shit thereafter. i started getting sicker as things started changing & home started getting more unpredictable.

that dude reminds me of another experience i had with a woman that utilised maori rongoa. she was hearty & held space like no other person i had ever experienced.

strong. quiet. knowing. protective.


my dreams reminded me of good things. good memories. im thinking this is my feng shui’s way of balancing out the back flashes at the moment.

of giving me something else to hold on to.

*keep watching this space ;)*




had 2 dreams recently, ’bout my biological father.

might check to see if the old cunts dead.


thats all. scroll on.






I’ve learnt a couple of things about myself over the past week or so.

One…I’m way more resilient than I ever thought I was.

Two…I’m not surprised anymore that I have PTSD…I mean really? In re-capping my life, its more surprising I’m not locked up, or dead…or in some institution somewhere rocking backwards and forwards!

I have hope today…that I’m going to be alright…

kpm ©