reconciling the hormones #79

and we have happy hormones!


‘celebrating the little things’

:)


 

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reconciling the hormones #77

So, the happy hormones are slowly settling into a nice little groove.

Ok, so ‘nice groove’ is an optimistic term; one that I hope will turn into a ‘actual reality’!

I’m kinda getting used to what is a hormonal fluctuation and what isn’t lol. And the best way to describe it, is it’s like being pregnant and having your period all at once.

I can cry at the drop of a hat, at not much in particular … and then be overwhelmed by rage the next second. My already broken ‘filter’ becomes even more of a menace and my thoughts can go from crystal clear to an absolute scrabbled egg!

So much Fun … *groan*

So aside from the emotions, the physical side of things means my waist line is getting lost (in reality its been kinda lost since the mid-2000s *extra groan*), the facial hair does whatever the fuck it wants, the boobs are heading south even more than they were, and my uterus feels like its crawling outta my vag every other day.

Awesome.

The only difficulty here, is discerning what is just ‘ageing’ and what is purely hormonal and will hopefully pass as 50 something comes and goes … farkkkssakes lol.

All in all though, I think I’m doing Ok. I know when to hit the floor and do a bit of yoga … I know when I need 2 ice packs instead of one, and I know when I should probably just have a nap instead of posting on facebook lol.

So this will be my last hormonal type post for awhile … if not forever.

I might update when the periods stop completely … Yuss!

Love and light to y’all my menstruating / menopausing peoples … Mwah!


from pts(d) expression series #138 – Mar 6, 2017 @ 08:02

Fin.


 

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reconciling the hormones #75

Well, today I’m an ’emotional’ write-off.

How do I know this?

This morning I burst into tears. Not at anything really … Just cos I did.

And then not more than half an hour later I wanted to smash my partners phone over his annoying head.

So, I’ve sent myself to my room and am going to put a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door handle … Or better yet: ‘enter at thine own risk’.

Physicality wise … the boobs are beginning to ache like they have a fucking headache … and my head is actually aching. I can feel my uterus trying to escape and my pelvic floor muscles are having a spaz all on their own.

Oh Joy.


from pts(d) expression series #176 – Apr 13, 2017 @ 08:02

For more photography and art go to @kpm-artist 


 

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reconciling the hormones #74

Hmmm little bastards …

They’re up and down and all over the fucking place at the moment. Feels like a really long rollercoaster ride that promises an end, but so far we haven’t gotten to it …

And I moan my ass off on days like yesterday and today … but really, in comparison to a few months ago, I’m getting a handle on my shizz … slowly … ever so slowly … but the point being … I am getting a handle on it ;)

I’m bracing myself for the next period round, which always bring an added touch of excitement to my life …’said No Woman Ever’ …

I started taking iron tablets a couple weeks ago, just cos, I felt like I needed it … it’s taken that long to get used to them but I can feel a slow steady increase in energy levels and less funky-ness, which is cool. Don’t worry, I aint counting my chickies beofre they hatch … but it is a trial and era sort of thing.

And since I’m mapping my cycles alot closer, I’ve decided to up my doses of Vitamin C a week before my period just to see if it helps with the headsches, dizzyness and generalised unwell feeling I get throughout.

Oh well, fingers crossed ay!


from pts(d) expression series #81 – Jan 8, 2017 @ 08:01

 

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reconciling the hormones #72

from pts(d) expression series #80 – Jan 7, 2017 @ 08:03

So I’m sort of back to the beginning, or there abouts, with these dam things. It’s an angst-tation cross between being a dissociative retard and actually having something physical going on.

What the fuck does that mean?

Well I’ve griped about this before, but as time ticks on, I can see a pattern emerging …

I’ve spent a life time NOT feeling shit. Not just emotion, but the physical feeling that goes with emotion. Yes, it seems as if theres a physical feeling associated with emotion. Just as there is a physical ‘feeling’ associated with being hungry, tired or in pain.

But did you know, that all the aforementioned ‘issues’ ‘feel’ very very similar and to fuck it up even more, they also ‘feel’ like hormonal fuckery and anxiety / panic fucks.

Yes, thats right, for Me, they all feel extremely similar.

So … what does one do when one feels one or all of these things happening or coming on?

  1. Hit the ground and breath deep
  2. Take a small amount of sedative
  3. Drink water
  4. Consult with stomach
  5. Try and eat something
  6. Take a pain killer
  7. Ice pack
  8. Peppermint essential oil
  9. Breath deeper
  10. Calming music
  11. Re check that I have eaten enough, drank enough.
  12. Re check and start at the beginning again until it (the panic fuck feeling and dizziness) subsides.

This has been Me on and off for the past couple days and feeling pretty over it. It’s kinda scary, so much so I may even go to the doctors arrghh.

Staying positive, whatever the fuck that means though.

Ok … trying to stay gangstah ;)

Love and light xo

reconciling the hormones #71

Arrggghhh.

Thats all I have to say about that.

Oh okay, I shall expand.

Said hormones, be kicking my ass at the moment; and my-eth ass is laid up feeling sorry for itself.

There yah go :)

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reconciling the hormones #70

Soooo, the hormones ay … this is the current status of those puppies …

They are producing mind-boggling, skin inflamed rashes.

Now these aren’t ‘abnormal’ for Me … and I’ve had eczema for years on and off … thanks to my ultra sensitive skin. But this lot is wildly irritating and hair pullingly annoying. Made even more annoying by my decrease in antihistamines … which by the way, I only take when I absolutely have too … and yes, this was one such occasion.

The rashes seem to come with hot flushes and thank fuck the hot flushes seem to be subsiding, possibly due to the weather being a little cooler … not sure really.

I’m basically winging the hormone thing … still haven’t been to the doctors, cos captain obvious is bound to just state the obvious … ‘You possibly in peri-menopause and we can give you *such and such* drugs and hormones …’. Yeah, not doing that so I’ll save myself $40 and just roll with Aunty Google and natural remedies.

Which reminds Me, a friend has suggested Peppermint Essential Oil for the hot flushes … apparently it helps with the cooling down thing … so I’m gonna try that next week.

The panic attacks and anxiety are slowly subsiding which makes Me pretty certain that they are effected by hormone fuckery.

Oh the joy.

Seriously though, I am pleased I’m slowly piecing things together and am able to try ‘new’ natural things.

It all feels like progress and transition … oh and it’s definitely helped embracing it instead of dreading it.

xo

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reconciling the hormones #69

Ok.

So, apparently no biological woman has died from / during Menopause.

But …

Do we know if any partner of a menopausal woman, has been greviously harmed / killed during the course of them saying something extremely stupid to said menopausal woman?

*asking for a friend*

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reconciling the hormones #68

Hmmm what to say about the blessed hormones at the moment ??

Well …

  1. I’m due for my period according to my trusty calendar
  2. However, due to the fact that my memory is a shit collective at present, it is quite likely that I’ve entered the wrong ‘finish’ date and thus the wrong ‘start’ date has popped up.
  3. Yes. Thats what I’ve done forever, to map my little periodical hormones / symptoms etc etc.
  4. So boobs are starting to ache and that is a sure sign of impending period-ness.
  5. I’m shitty as fuck … but that could be period or meno-pausical symptoms ;)
  6. My ears keep popping, and the vertigo is off the charts at the mo.

Ahhh, so thats what I was going to ramble about, was the vertigo situation.

It gets worse around pre-period time even though the blessed doctor says my hormones have nothing to do with the vertigo situation; I think he’s all cack … and having never had a period himself, how the fuck is he supposed to tell Me that I am wrong … Pfft.

So, menopause wise … it kinda go-figures that if my normal is vertigoy at period time, then it would do the same at menopausal time .. Right?

Right.

So working on this theory … and having spent the last 2 days flat on my back (for a lot of the day anyways) or in some lotusy type position on the floor … the dizzy, vertigo feeling should pass within the next few days and return on the odd occasion just like a hot flush … hmmm

Right?

Right.

But just to throw a spanner in my theoretical works, I’ve realised that with the lessening of cigarettes, I am thusly coughing up some amazing looking gunk and my sinuses are doing some freaking shit which throws out my physical balance aka more fucking vertigo …. sooooo …

It could also be plausible that when all nicotine and other such shit is outta my system … and my sinuses and lungs have thusly adjusted … and my natural feng shui has returned to that of a 11 year old (when I started smoking … ), I could be feeling abit more balanced???

Right?

Right.

Well fucking hope so …

So, until I figure out abit more … Cheers to all biological women and their biological-ness ;) Yous have my sympathies and undying admiration!

reconciling the hormones #65

Random update of the fluctuating hormones:

  • today they’re kicking my ass
  • literally
  • in a nice iced lotus position
  • sucking in deep breathes
  • wondering when the fuck womanhood will be ‘fun’
  • dizzy as fuck
  • oh, did i mention, dizzy, like vertigo – dizzy as all Fuck
  • so, all the wonderful cleaning things that i need to do
  • yes, need … because we have a house inspection apopo (tomorrow)
  • yeah, well those bitches aren’t getting done whilst i’m sitting lotus style with ear plugs in, rocking backwards and forwards and trying to find my feng fucking shui
  • hormones … fuck y’all