a quick peri menopausal moan ..


yup shes still rolling.

& yah know, just when i think i got it sussed .. like, ah yes, thats a hot flush .. it will pass   ..   or, ah yes, that is the walls of my uterus flexing causing pain right down through my asshole, it will pass … or, my personal favourite .. ah yes, its a constipated bowel routine even though you had the shits a couple days ago .. it will pass .. LOL.

my fuck .. its never fucking ending .. & im trying to remember that all this biology helped birth beautiful babies etc etc .. *eye ball roll*

but some days i get the curve ball & today is one of them.

hot cheeks.

thats it. flushed as fuck hot ass cheeks.

nothing else.

& it feels like those bitches are on fire. so much so i thought i had a fever.

yup i checked all that & nope i dont.

finally googled & guess what comes up. thats right, peri fucking menopause.

i dont know how to settle uncomfortable hot ass cheeks down cos i aint ever had them. fuck.

lol, i mean in the big scheme of things, annoying hot cheeks isn’t really huge, other than the fact that they’re annoying.

so today im doing ice packs on the cheeks with a jersey on so the rest of me doesnt freeze ffs. & ima taking it easy.

*insert the usual*



hormonal fuckery has a revelation, of sorts.

dear womanly hormones:

pleased to finally make your acquaintance.

i know we haven’t always got along. that you’ve blamed ‘womanhood’ for what happened to you.  but you need to know that what happened to you wasn’t because you were a woman.  it was because that cunt is a perverted asshole.  & your teke was the most available & easiest to fuck with at the time. you were small and controllable & thats all the cunt needed.

so every month you’ve dreaded the definition of being a woman.

but that’s not to blame. being a biological woman gave you your babies & your mokos. without those hormones, those changes in your monthly cycle … you wouldn’t have been able to produce those beautiful little people who grew & had beautiful little people of their own.

you’re whole being is called the whare tangata : the house of humanity.

no cunt, no matter their perversion, can take that from you. they can’t take it from your future generations. from the world.

we are greater than that.



is that:

the smell of fear. yes, it has a smell. how you think they find you.

kpm ©



hormone fuckery …


that’s it.

kpm ©




update on the hormone un-fuckery.

that last couple periods, i’ve been mapping them a bit closer than usual. since the confirmation of good old peri-menopause, i decided more than ever, that i needed to get a grip on this whole embracing the ‘womanhood’ thing.

i think the first time i was given pain meds for periods, i was about 13. it was the doctors opinion that i was being OTT & that kick ass pain killers would fix everything.

its kinda a crime, i reckon, that something as natural as menstruating, is diagnosed as an illness & an inconvenience, & is then ‘shut up’ or shut down. am i surprised really though? after all i’ve learnt over the years.

womanhood is despised instead of celebrated.

they forget that without that uterus of ours, there’d be no life.

anyway …

with a fine tooth comb, i went over all the ‘symptoms’ that are usually quite unbearable, related to perioding & menopause, cos for me they’re quite similar, just magnified.

i decided awhile ago to go with the natural route re ‘treating’ symptoms. which is a bit fucking hard really.

again … its a lot easier to just shut it down.

so, during these phases, i have the following things to manage: oh, as well as fucking (p)tsd!

  • sore tummy
  • sore boobs … like gonna from off your chest kinda sore!
  • itchy rashes, usually on the lower back
  • sore glands
  • itchy eyes & nose – similar to hayfever
  • cough
  • generally run down
  • gums bleed
  • dizzy
  • hot flushes
  • irritability (more than usual)
  • tearful
  • nauseous
  • achey body
  • headache
  • extreme vertigo
  • memory loss
  • sinus ache
  • panic attacks
  • increased general anxiety
  • sore throat
  • heavy bleeding / clotting
  • insomnia
  • increased sensitivity to light, smells & noise
  • shingles

yeah. thats about it in a nutshell.

so i trolled the symptoms & then the internet to find solutions.

i’m pretty gangstah like that.

& heres what i came up with:

  • remifemin –  helps calm the hot flushes & irritability & as a side effect, also lessens the anxiety.

  • magnesium sleep cream with lavender – helps lessen the anxiety & insomnia & has a cooling effect.

  • raspberry leaf tea – helps with the uterus & tummy cramps. i’ve been adding this to my ‘tea’ concoctions during period times

  • caraway seeds added to brown sugar & hot water for nausea & tummy cramps.

  • whilst trying to flush / detox my system, i’ve been using nettle tea added to oat straw (for anxiety), ginger (for vertigo), & sage (for mood). i’ve also added in half an iron tablet just before my period & stop them 3 days after i finish.

so, what’s the results for moi?

fucking awesome!

i was skeptical AF, as usual: but i pretty much had nothing to lose.

& i’m happy to report that all that shit above, the symptoms, were either completed alleviated & / or halved.

how fucking grateful am i????


& thats all i have to say about that ;)

kpm ©


hormonal update. ikr …

its all part of the cycle of life apparently.

change, that is.

& change, physical, mental or otherwise, can be fucking hard.

peri-menopause is the official title. today its just bullshit. bullshit changes. hard changes. physically harsh changes.

but its all part of the cycle of life apparently.

kpm ©



the goddesses heard my plea.

and we’re steady … ish,

thank fuck!

kpm ©



Savethey’re a brewing

*please goddesses: go easy ay*

kpm ©




[trying to] reconcile the hormones.

*note: its been a cunty day.

This morning we were greeted with the carpet cleaners.

This is why I don’t do carpet cleaners until I leave a house:

a. the chemicals completely mess with my head, nasal passages and feng shui.

b. the ensuing smell that lingers long after they’ve gone, also fucks with me feng shui.

c. the carpets are wet until they dry. no worries – i sit on the floor. i sleep on the floor. the floor is where i am happiest and where i don’t get dizzy.

And all my hormones could do for Me today is make Me cry like a fucking little bitch … over carpets ffs!

not my meme. thankyou to whoever compiled it. you described todays #feels.




reconciling thine hormones.

they’re heating up.

and not in a ‘i’m so sexy’ way neither.


thats it for now.



reconciling the hormones.

and we have happy hormones!

‘celebrating the little things’


kpm ©



reconciling the mother fucking hormones …

All over the dam place.

Thats an apt description of what those little bastards are doing.

The other day I kinda felt like I was getting a wholesome grip on the whole transitional menopausal thing, and feeling slightly grateful for the hormones that are part of my biology. Yah know, the ones that make my uterus shed its fucking lining each month and make Me want to impale someone/s to the nearest tree.

But today I’ve gone from cool and calm to tearful and fucking agitated … to clarity and organised … back to tearful and agitated.

Whilst the period is coming to a close, my insides are still uncomfortable and the anxiety is peaking and dissipating as fast as I can say ‘fuck it all’.

And I am breathing … well trying … and reminding myself that being a biological woman is a beautiful thing … and hey, you’re about to be a Nan again! ‘Your legacy is about to grow again …’ and that couldn’t happen without the assistance of your uterus … blah blah.

And breathing.

Oh my fuck.

Biological womanhood aint all it’s cracked up to be ;)

kpm © : ig @kpm-artist




So, the happy hormones are slowly settling into a nice little groove.

Ok, so ‘nice groove’ is an optimistic term; one that I hope will turn into a ‘actual reality’!

I’m kinda getting used to what is a hormonal fluctuation and what isn’t lol. And the best way to describe it, is it’s like being pregnant and having your period all at once.

I can cry at the drop of a hat, at not much in particular … and then be overwhelmed by rage the next second. My already broken ‘filter’ becomes even more of a menace and my thoughts can go from crystal clear to an absolute scrabbled egg!

So much Fun … *groan*

So aside from the emotions, the physical side of things means my waist line is getting lost (in reality its been kinda lost since the mid-2000s *extra groan*), the facial hair does whatever the fuck it wants, the boobs are heading south even more than they were, and my uterus feels like its crawling outta my vag every other day.


The only difficulty here, is discerning what is just ‘ageing’ and what is purely hormonal and will hopefully pass as 50 something comes and goes … farkkkssakes lol.

All in all though, I think I’m doing Ok. I know when to hit the floor and do a bit of yoga … I know when I need 2 ice packs instead of one, and I know when I should probably just have a nap instead of posting on facebook lol.

So this will be my last hormonal type post for awhile … if not forever.

I might update when the periods stop completely … Yuss!

Love and light to y’all my menstruating / menopausing peoples … Mwah!


kpm ©


yep. the hormones.

Now these things have been a cunt of a thing to juggle lately … not sure if thats ‘normal’, as in the ebbs and flows … or if it’s just ‘my normal’ … fuck knows …

What I am discovering however, is by increasing iron supplements just before my period, seems to help with the process … and boosting the fuck outta my immune system (vit c etc) a week before my period and during, also seems to minimise the damage done to this shining example of biological womanhood ;)

The flushes seem to have dissipated quite abit, unless i’m tearing around like a blue ass fly, then they liberally kick my ass … solution to that has been sorta simple … I pace my shit over days, instead of hours! Clever ay … *eye ball roll*

The up shot, is (dare I say it), it’s becoming ‘manageable’ … more manageable, and bearable, than it was before!

So Yip-fucking-pie!! I’m stoked with that!

kpm ©




Well, today I’m an ’emotional’ write-off.

How do I know this?

This morning I burst into tears. Not at anything really … Just cos I did.

And then not more than half an hour later I wanted to smash my partners phone over his annoying head.

So, I’ve sent myself to my room and am going to put a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door handle … Or better yet: ‘enter at thine own risk’.

Physicality wise … the boobs are beginning to ache like they have a fucking headache … and my head is actually aching. I can feel my uterus trying to escape and my pelvic floor muscles are having a spaz all on their own.

Oh Joy.


kpm ©


reconcile the hormones?

Hmmm little bastards …

They’re up and down and all over the fucking place at the moment. Feels like a really long rollercoaster ride that promises an end, but so far we haven’t gotten to it …

And I moan my ass off on days like yesterday and today … but really, in comparison to a few months ago, I’m getting a handle on my shizz … slowly … ever so slowly … but the point being … I am getting a handle on it ;)

I’m bracing myself for the next period round, which always bring an added touch of excitement to my life …’said No Woman Ever’ …

I started taking iron tablets a couple weeks ago, just cos, I felt like I needed it … it’s taken that long to get used to them but I can feel a slow steady increase in energy levels and less funky-ness, which is cool. Don’t worry, I aint counting my chickies beofre they hatch … but it is a trial and era sort of thing.

And since I’m mapping my cycles alot closer, I’ve decided to up my doses of Vitamin C a week before my period just to see if it helps with the headaches, dizzyness and generalised unwell feeling I get throughout.

Oh well, fingers crossed ay!

kpm ©



She’s been a harsh few weeks, hormonally speaking … well I think it’s the hormones anyway.

I’m all over the fucking place … thats the first thing that gave it away!

But then theres the panic fucks … that seem to have heightened slightly over the last week or two. I took stock and realised I was actually packing away more anti anxiety meds in a day than I thought. Freaked Me out a little … but I’m slowly getting back on track.

I’m blaming stress and hormones. The two together are utter bastards.

And why the pretty green leaves I hear you ask …

The sort of nauseating irritating feeling you get when you look at the shiny yellowy green? Thats what ALL this feels like a the moment.

Thanking the earplug goddesses for the newbies … and still breathing deeply.

kpm ©