mauri of me #23 ~ sensitives

I come from a family of ‘sensitives’ … sensitive skin, sensitive tummy, sensitive hearing, sensitive taste … Just sensitive all round.

And then theres the ‘other’ sensitive. The one ‘they’d’ medicate or lock you up for, if you talked about it ‘out loud’.

It’s the sensitive that see’s whats supposedly not there. That hear’s whats supposedly inaudible. That can smell subtleties that no-one else can smell. That can sense what ‘isn’t’ there.

Is this such a strange phenomenon for Indigenous? No. It’s not. And prior to the Tohunga Suppression Act of 1907, the sensitivity I’m talking about was called matakite.  For mainstream though, it’s something they don’t understand and fuck up, whilst they try and understand it or distinguish it.

I always had trouble distinguishing between my dreams and nightmares and what was actually present. Both freaked Me out. And when my eldest daughter came along, and she could sense similar things, I also freaked out. Some of this was to do with the Christian belief that everything that couldn’t be seen, was evil; or there was something inherently evil about the ‘see-er’.

When my 2nd daughter came along, her ‘sixth sense’ about things was quite ‘organic’ and natural. It didn’t seem freaky or mystical so to speak. It just seemed normal.

By the time my mokos came along, we were all beginning to embrace what we were as pretty normal, even though we didn’t fully understand it. Moko #1 senses what isn’t seen and whats not spoken. Moko #2, can smell whats not there; she can also understand whats ‘not spoken’. Moko #3 can hear the almost inaudible; and can also see your motive; she can also sense your pain. Moko #4 can hear your motive.

And Me. Well I’m still working out the difference between whats a sensitivity and whats pts(d). But I know whats a dream now, and what isn’t. I know now, when to ask my tipuna (ancestors) for assistance and advice.

What I like the most … is that my mokos won’t struggle with all of this like I did, or like my daughter did. For them, its natural, and they’re learning how to make it work for them.


change has got to come…

Bit of a sore subject, and one I’ve looked at through-out my blog; as it pertains to me.

But you can’t live in a country as an Indigenous Person and not learn your history – the real history. Not the history as taught by the (alleged) conqueror, but the real history, as carried by your ancestors …

When I studied, I avoided all topics about my history to begin with. Avoided, mainly because it was painful and I didn’t know what to do with it back then. When I did start looking at it, I took a Te Tiriti O Waitangi paper. As I opened the first book I was greeted with a list of Crown breaches, or legislation, as they call it; dating back to a month or two after Te Tiriti O Waitangi was signed in 1840. The Crowns real motive for signing this Treaty became apparent within those first few legislations. It wasn’t about partnership as they had declared before signing … it was about control, domination and greed.

They set about dissecting, alienating and suppressing the Indigenous and they continue to do so today. This is not a new thing and can be seen throughout the colonies … the effects that their colonisation has had on all Indigenous People.


They ‘banned’ our language; our health resources and the right to practice our own health rituals; they alienated us from our land and changed legislation to legalise the ‘removal’ of that land from us permanently.

The effects of this typical colonisation process are still being felt in the generations thereafter.  We had a resurgence on the Protest front in the early 1970s and this ‘activism’ continues today.

With the recent TPPA signing though, it is doubtful that the right to protest will look the same as it did 2, 5, 10 and even 20 years ago.

But that doesn’t mean that it won’t continue.


It is my hope that as I continue to share the information that I have learnt over the years, in this arena and others; a tiny bit of the cognitive dissonance that is felt within this country daily, when discussing ‘race relations’ and the like; will finally change!



366 reasons to smile +159.

+159. We have our own brand of humour – generously dolloped with a shittone of sarcasm 😉

Hope you can view this … if not; its a talk show, whose hostess is a kiwi singer-song writer, Anika Moa – google her ;). I’ve just finished binge watching season one and am all up to date now.

Made Me smile so much, my face is sore 🙂 But also, it was awesome to see all our ‘brown’ faces, and all our talent … just doing our thing. We really are a beautiful people … and gangstah as 😉


366 reasons to smile ~ +145.

+145. This meme is all over FB at the moment, and whilst I don’t know much about wolves, I know that this is how We (indigenous communities, in Aotearoa, and worldwide) lived. It wasn’t just a travel thing; it was how we lived and worked in our hapu (community); how we treated and respected those who were ‘less able’ (apparently). How we took care of people.

I think if our society’s went back to viewing our community members as such; that every single person has a role to play, and that every single member is beyond imperative to the larger group – we wouldn’t be so fucked up!

the season for it …

Man issues, that is.

Don’t get me wrong; I understand all men aren’t ignorami, but appears to me at the moment, there are no holds barred on the amount of ignorance I am experiencing by said Men.

Yesterday was the partner … and that continues, unspoken about, today. As usual. And I know it’ll pass eventually, when he gets his fix of ‘man-dom’.

And then there is the Father … again.

He has recently returned to the country he’s been residing in for the past 30 odd years. No, I didn’t see him. He left in a tizzy, and thats too bad really.

Well, we spoke the other day.

Another long convoluted ‘discussion’ about ‘the land’.

After reflection re not saying what I actually wanted too … I decided to ‘gently’ (well, as gently as I am capable of) let him know where I stood … again.

He wants to set up a Land Trust, with all owners of the land he intends to build on. Why? Because a. He needs permission to do so. b. The Maori Land Court has ‘advised’ this is what is needed.

Now my Father and I have walked two very different paths in life.

His, in a nutshell, has been to run away from all things Indigenous (Maori); deny all things Indigenous; belittle all things Indigenous. He still believes the Crown (government) has his (and our) best interests at heart and we should believe everything they espouse. There’s reasons for this obviously, but again, thats another post.

My path: As a part Indigenous brown girl; and a non-looking white girl – I’ve had to make peace (still making peace actually) with both sides of my heritage. I have a unique way of doing that, and at the moment, it works for Me. In making peace though, I did a lot of study on Indigenous history and the colonisation of our land, people and culture … What that has meant for Us and where and how we deal with that … ‘moving forward’ (another post for another day).

So, in a nutshell … I don’t do Crown initiatives, or Crown ‘suggestions’ … I definitely don’t follow any format they suggest without researching the living shit out of it first. Because it has always, and I mean always, been to Indigenous detriment, to adhere to their recommendations.

I’ve tried to tell my Father this, on a number of occasions. I’ve also said that if he doesn’t share my beliefs, thats fine … but under no circumstances will I be joining any kind of Trust, Family or Land, and I won’t be a trustee. Why? Because why do We, the Indigenous; the owners of our own land, need to form some type of structure to govern or manoeuvre what we do with that land? Why are only the Indigenous, Us, advised to form a Land Trust to deal with our land?

The short answer, is apparently: Because We can’t get along and can’t organise ourselves.

For Me, this screams all kinds of fuckery. You see, We, the Indigenous, managed to organise ourselves well enough to defeat every colonial onslaught that invaded this country for land and lives. Every single time we defeated them. The colonial assholes ‘won’ in the end by sheer numbers which they’d borrowed from their home country and the other countries they had colonised. As our number depleted, they replenished theirs. Oh, and not to mention, our numbers had depleted horrendously from the diseases they brought with them that we were not immune too. Again, another post, another day.

Anywho … These are reasons I won’t partake in Crown initiatives, and I am also not interested in their money. When the family form this Trust, they will be entitled to rather hefty government ‘grants’. What they haven’t taken into consideration, is that those hefty grants come with hefty ‘fine print’. Usually, again, to the detriment of Us. So while the short term gain of the almighty dollar seems Ok, the long term loss, is not worth it, in my opinion. Also … my question is always: Why do we need their money? Apparently I am being naive. I believe they are being stupid.

My Father doesn’t get any of this. And at this stage of the game, I’m not asking him too. Just to respect that thats how I see it. I’ve also told him that I’ll support him as best I can … but it won’t be how he imagines it.

So, after dropping this little slash large morsel on him – he gets off the phone … And collapses, hits his head and is unconscious.

His wife rang yesterday and says that his blood pressure is low and his heart is playing up again and is back in hospital.


Do I feel sympathy? No.

Do I feel guilt? No.

Am I an awful bitch? Probs.

And this is the result of ‘saying what I mean’. Hmmm.