quick update:

have had a hard time stringing a legible sentence together of late, hence not updating sooner.

its been nearly a week since my trip to see the shrink & the fuckery was abounding prior to departure.

it feels like all the things i used to be able to utilise to calm my shit down aren’t quite working like they use too .. so i’ve had to recalibrate & look for alternatives .. again.

this time, prior, i made sure i had the usual calming shit to take with me .. it took up the entire back seat of the car lol!

but added to that i needed to plan for the distance we were travelling, the spaces i’d be in & all the fuckery the goes with that over a longer period of time.

all in all, i planned well.

the actual appointment was pretty on point. i met the lawyer & then the shrink. questions re shrink, were standard, nerve inducing & slightly traumatic. as per usual. i forgot a tonne of stuff & pretty much waded my way through the appointment by the seat of my especially comfortable pants ;) when it came to recounting trauma time .. i forgot a shit tonne of stuff .. which seems to be a thing for me at the moment. most of the time i embrace it, cos who wants to remember that shit anyways .. but hopefully it hasn’t detrimentally fucked up the report.

oh well.

so, since that event things have just been about trying to chill, not overthink the next part & roll with everyday mundane shit. never thought i’d be so interested in mundane shit .. yah know, vacuuming, cleaning or reorganising shit .. it calming & reassuring & at the moment, is life lol.

the review is in a few weeks so there be a lot of cleaned surfaces between now & then ;)

i’m glad i’m here, in this place .. that the trees are green, that the sky is big .. that it all adds to feeling calmer. i’m pleased my daughters have gotten a grip on what it is thats happening & are supportive. thats been huge. & im grateful af to finally feel like i have more than one option ;)

choice is a huge deal or me.

fuck with it & i fuck with you.

so todays a calm day .. & i’m gonna enjoy it.

kpm ©



the ACC fuckery .. i decided to employ a lawyer for the next round, cos im over it & over the anxiety it causes.


kpm ©


to lawyer or not to lawyer, this is the question

I’ve been pondering on my post assessment, pre assessment assessment (good lord), which is to be done at the end of August. I’m going to need truck loads of patience for that one …

But some well meaning bunny has advised I hire an ‘Accident Compensation Corporation Lawyer’; yes, there is such a thing. These dudes are supposed to get you the best deal or financial arrangement. You see, it turns out the ACC bastards could be up for back paying a hefty sum of dosh out to Me. Partially due to all their fuck ups, and partially due to more of their fuck ups. In a nutshell; because I have been on their books, with an accepted claim, since the early 90s, there should have been a 5 yearly assessment, like the one they’ll do in August. At these assessments, they gauge the money side of things (as in, how much to chop your compensation by) by figuring out your ‘impairment levels’. It’s at these assessments, they also figure out if there is any significant changes.

My last assessment was in 2000 and fucken 4.

I was declining rapidly by 2009; the year when the next assessment was due. If ACC, coulda shoulda woulda, done that assessment, it would be quite plausible that I wouldn’t have been rocking backwards and forwards in the corner of my house by 2012.

By the time ACC had ‘responded’, it was 2014 and I was well and truly fucked by that stage. And they still fucked up the treatment and completely ignored the compensation side of things … hence living on $35 for god knows how many years.

When the psychologist was abruptly cut off, and I was a little more ‘myself’, I laid a big ass complaint with the ACC fuckers. It was a long time coming … and it was more about ‘responding’ for Me. It wasn’t a polite complaint … it read pretty much like I write Here. But it did the trick.

However … nearly a whole fucken year later … I am still waiting. But, the end is in sight … sort of.

So, why the lawyer? Apparently they are able to do what they do and wrangle every last cent of what I’m entitled too, out of ACC. However … they come at a price … of course. It’s usually 20% of whatever I may get as compensation. And not being a mathematician at all, 20% sounds like a fucken lot to someone who gets $35 a week!!

But this isn’t what I’m really having issues with.

For Me, it seems like someone else coming along, right at the end, on a shiny little white lawyer-y horse; to wave a little wand to get results.

I fought this battle.

I fought fucken long and fucken hard. And I’m still fighting.

Do I want to pay some cunt 20% of a sum of money (that isn’t guaranteed yet) for doing 5 minutes of work? Not really.

I think I got most of what I needed when ACC rang and apologised for their giant fuck up. To have that in writing would be even better, but a recording will suffice for now. I get another giant dose of what I need whilst listening to all the ACC twats tip toe round what they say to Me now; and I enjoy not responding to any of the; “We’re terribly sorry for ….. ” …. “Silence (from Me)” … its most satisfying :)

I guess my ‘pondering’ has more to do with …

Am I cutting off my foot to spite my leg? >> No, hang on … cutting off my finger to spite arm??  … fuck knows! Never liked that saying anyway! Makes No Sense!

Am I fucking it up for Myself … yeah, thats what I mean … Just to prove a point?

And even if I am, what have I got to lose?

Money? Reputation? A job? Nope, they’re all gone lol.

You know what … I think I may have just made my decision.

Fuck the lawyer and fuck ACC. I’ll see this bastard through on my own terms :)

kpm ©