photography ~ black and whites #130

#bnw #bnwphotography #bnwview #bnwlove #bnwmood #bnwfeels #riverjourney #continued #convent #hiruharama #jerusalem #whanganui #aotearoa #kitchen #oldschool #meatlocker #nofridgeshere #photos #photograph #photoblog #photography #kpm ©


fuck ups

have you ever seen

the escalation of

fuck ups

at work?

how they roll

one into another

like a giant snow ball?


don’t take your eye off the ball


forever young ~ bob dylan

Forever Young ~ Bob Dylan, 1974


reconciling the hormones #61

So my sedative intake, apart from the antihistamines (which is down to about 1/2 every week), is about the same. And I’m still discerning the difference between a hot flush and a panic fuck … they are so similar it is spooky!

I had an interesting conversation with my Mama whilst we were away … about the menopause situation etc. She was watching Me sweat and quiver and quietly freak out and very nicely asking if I was alright … and then she remembered that she had started having hot flushes when she was in her mid-30s and they were exasperated or brought on when she exerted herself and / or got angry.

I had a super-duper AH-Fucking-HAH moment I tell yah! I could relate perfectly … so I’m hoping that based on those dates / years … I should nearly be done with menopause !!! LOL.

But after this conversation we got onto what a panic attack feels like … signs, symptoms, what brings them on … and hit on something in that jumble fuck.

That if my hormones are doing what they should, but in essence I feel completely out of control of my body … it follows that thats what brings on the panic fuck.

I don’t like being out of control … especially of my … Yes, MY … body, thanks to pts fucking d.  So something else to work on I guess … like I didn’t have enough already pfft!

Anyway … so heres to another week of hormone imbalance-rebalance-apparently all in fucking balance survival!

Cheers Me 🙂

#meme is a cartoon picture of an older biological woman sitting in an arm chair in front of one big ass fan!

Caption reads: When I asked for a smoking hot body, menopause was not quite what I had in mind.


unfucking thyself 101.54




Homai to Aroha



One of the things I loved about the River and the land surrounding it, was the layers. There were layers upon layers of beauty and sound (or lack of sound) everywhere we went. The colours, or lack of colours, were beautiful too. Everything seemed as it should be. It perfect sync with everything else. It was quite obvious when you came across something that had been ‘altered’ by a human lol … but everything else was just as it should be … and of course, just how I like it. ‘Overgrowen’, aka ‘growing naturally’ … Quiet, except for nature sounds … No intrusive smells, just grass, trees, clean air.

I thought my place was quiet but this was even quieter. No noise pollution at all.

And guess what … Not difficult to be all mindful and shit out here … in fact I’d say it’s the epitome of mindfulness, without the effort!

Absolutely perfect.

#Photograph is a macro shot of a white wildflower bush in the foreground and in the background is Our River and the native bush on the other side of the bank.


just cos …

#meme reads:

When you gotta delete your post because you’re just not the same person you were 6 minutes ago.

argue …

you know what …

i don’t think

i have anything

to add to this




thats a new place

For Me.


IMO – Paedophilia

[From my FB]

One of my daughters sent me this link a while ago, and its taken this long to get round to watching the entire thing.
Anyone that knows Me Well, knows Me disdain for all things ‘kiddie-fuckerish’ and my passion for doing away with them completely.
That ‘passion’ took Me to Criminology … it took me to [my place of work] … its shaped how I respond to offenders … more importantly, or so I thought, it shaped the ingenious ‘alternative’ plans I came up with re Rehabilitation and Prevention.
How-the-fuck-ever … We are Not a country that supports rehabilitation and especially Not prevention. Argue that if you will, but I’m not wrong.
So when it comes to sex offenders, what are the rates of actual successful ‘rehabilitation’? And is there any stats on ‘Prevention’ per se?
Fuck No. Because anyone thats lived in NZ long enough, knows we just make that shit up as we go along and to fit the ‘status quo’ that needs to be fitted for that year.

So back to this ‘Virtuous’ Paedophile.

A paedophile is a person who is attracted sexually to children. Now noting that, makes my skin crawl. And that will never change. And in my learned fucking opinion, I’ll never accept pedosexuality as a sexual orientation.

HOWEVER: After watching this, with a pretty fucken open-mind I will say … This is what I’ve decided.

If this person … self proclaimed non-offending pedo … wants to raise awareness among his Own peeps … if he wants to educate Them … Support, Them … Then go for it.

There are too many victims, and have-been victims, like myself, who have spent shit loads of years exorcising our own demons and trying to re-educate fuckers on these fuckers … trying to rehabilitate them so they stop hurting our own kids … trying to prevent the cycles from starting … so we can protect our own kids. If this cunt wants to put his neck on the chopping block .. .wants to spend hours and hours learning and teaching … Go For It.

Would I leave my mokos with him … fuck NO!
Do I think his sickness is Normal … also Fuck NO.
But if he wants to be a recluse and manage himself somewhere out in the whops … sweet as!

Our system isn’t going to rehabilitate, prevent or educate these people. And they’re definitely Not going to protect Us or our children.

If he’s supporting and hopefully helping pedos to manage their sickness (i won’t call it a sexuality), is that not a better solution than any we’ve come up with so far?

Don’t get Me wrong … I am completely down for lining them up and putting a bullet in their skulls. I’d volunteer for that job.
But NZ doesn’t do capital punishment for sex offenders. And that law isn’t going change any time soon.


unfucking thyself 101.51




Homai to Aroha



I must say, my pumpkin plants amuse the living shit out of Me. They feel like compadres actually.

You know, I planted them all in a nice little row (actually, I thought they were zucchini seeds at the time of planting … but oh well lol), into the soil like I thought I should … and initially they grow up in straight little lines …

And then … well, then they just proceeded to do whatever the fuck they wanted to do!

This specimen is the one of the last to sprout and he’s found his way up the hill (from his place of planting), and onto our back shed. And as you can see, he’s gone up, down and back up. He’s got huge leaves and even a growing pumpkin hanging from one of those feeler-ly thingys.

Made respect to the pumpkin plants and their ‘fuck you, I won’t grow where you want Me too … attitude’.

Much Respect 😉



unfucking thyself 101.50




Homai to Aroha



These are my first lot of silverbeet seedlings, that have been re-nestled into, yes thats right, toilet rolls!

The idea came from an old school gardener and avid recycler, so I can’t claim that genius as my own. But these little beauties will sit in here for as long as they need to, to grow some sturdy roots, and then I can plant the whole thing, toilet roll and all, into a larger pot. The cardboard should break down naturally and compost with the rest of the soil and my little silverbeet beauties should sprout further.

Geez I’m really beginning to enjoy this whole gardening thing.

I always wondered what the excitement was. I watched my grandparents – both old school gardeners: you know, the post war / depression era peeps – get up and ungodly hours of the morning to water and weed and shift and pick … and their gardens, both flower and vegetable, were always stunning! But I always wondered why the fuck you would bother doing that!

Enter 45+ and I’m beginning to understand.

Theres something quite satisfying about growing something, well assisting to grow something. Theres something even more satisfying about being able to eat the fruits (and vegetables) of your labour.

I miss my grandparents. I wish to high fuckery I had listened closer … watched closer … they knew so much and as I look around at Us lot of twat fuckers, I wonder sometimes, how on earth we will survive.