yeah, ok …

So,as I sit here downloading more episodes of Dora the bloody explorer, for moko #4’s impending arrival … listening to the fire roaring, cos its also bloody freezing … feeling toasty in my birthday slippers … and looking super comfy with my Nanny bun on top of my head …

A thought occurs …

‘When did I stop being gangster?’


mauri of me #14

My moko #3.

She’s a beauty. She’s 3 and has always been mamas girl.

Which has produced this secure, steadfast, knows exactly what she likes and doesn’t like, kind of little darling.

What is ultra funny though … and I appreciate immensely, is that she seems to be able to intimidate most people. I’ve even seen grown men squirm 😉

As strange as this sounds, it is true.

Little darling won’t talk if she doesn’t want to. Especially if she doesn’t understand what it is your saying … or if what you’re saying is bullshit 😉

As the ‘conversation’ evolves, you can see the adult digging themselves a big ass hole that they pretty much cover over themselves too. All the while, Miss 3 hasn’t said a word but has kept eye contact throughout.

Everything that ends up pouring out of the adults mouth, are all those uncomfortable little social innuendos that people do in social situations, but aren’t really ‘anything’.

With Miss 3, it goes abit like this:

‘Oh, you’re so cute; How old are you; i bet you love kindy; which kindy do you go too; oh thats a pretty dress; did your mama buy that dress; oh i see you have chocolate; aren’t you a lucky girl; oh you don’t say much do you; she’s cute though …..’

The hole has been dug at this point.

None of that ‘conversation’ is for anyones sake other than the adults. They’re not actually asking questions for Miss 3 to answer, they’re just filling up the air with that whiney ‘ohhhhhh, you’re so cute’ voice that people like to make when they talk at children.

The Brilliance of Miss 3 …. ” Homie don’t play that 😉 ”

Oh I love her … I feel like we’re kindred spirits LOL.

Well, the other day … Miss 3, chose this little treat for Me.

The partner wanted to get something ‘flashy-er’: but Miss 3 chose this.

And I loved that she chose this one: it’s not adult-y, at all 😉


366 reasons to smile ~ +64.

+64. Miss midget and 4 freaking very long hours of Dora the bloody Explorer!! LOL …  cute though xoxo



mauri of me #8

Moko #1 will be 9 this year. What a little man he is 🙂

He’s taught Me so much about being a child … being who we are …

He rocks the boat most days and has questions for miles! And both of those things, I absolutely love about him. He has the questions that no-one asks, because its ‘improper’ to do so; he’s the one who is somehow able to put things into questions when we can’t quite figure out what the question is, that needs to be asked … he’s the one that challenges everything that would appear to be right or normal, and stretches the imagination and the perception … i.e.: “who made god then???” … he’s 9 🙂

I was there at his birth … and remember well the overwhelming feeling of becoming a grandmother … and the sheer joy that also came with becoming a grandmother.

And I love being a grandmother 🙂

He has big brown eyes and a beautiful smile. I love his nature and his way; his talents and character.

He is part of Me. I am part of Him.

And I absolutely love him to bits xoxox

the week ..

Interesting ‘re-find’ … it would seem that ‘re-connecting’ aint all that its cracked up to be!
Father of Me is a douche-pool.
Yes, I’m still working on it 😉


Lame title I know, but any who…

So, I wasn’t ready for anyone to die.

That’s kind of another lame thing … like when are we really ever ready? I mean, really?

I have planned for all sorts of things in my lifetime. And most of them have been fatalities; or doom and gloom bad shit experiences, that are more than likely going to happen .. and death has been one of those. Mine and those around me.

My brilliant plan has always consisted of the obvious .. familiarised looking grief  with a minimal amount of pain or emotion involved .. followed by a brain rest period to readjust and recalibrate.

It’s always worked.

Until it didn’t.

Why didn’t it Yoda, I asked?

Because I no longer have the ability to disassociate like I used too.

I know this. But it’s not until something happens from the doom and gloom bad…

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moko #1 and our love of music <3

Moko #1 left yesterday 😦

I so enjoyed having him here … he’s a little darling … and sooooo smart.

He’s abit of a musician, so its a love (of music) that we share. He has a set of drums and has just become the proud owner of an Amp for his electric guitar.

We did abit of discussing of ‘genres’ … as in he’s still finding his groove … and what he likes to play too versus listen too.

Now Moko is also a bit of a know-it-all (dunno where he got that from lol) and he wanted to know why I was singing along to a song he’d been singing most of the week. This song:

  • I’m Still Standing – Elton John, 1983

Apparently it was a ‘new’ song and had I ‘seen the movie’??

Well, this started a 2 hour convo on music. With YouTube in hand, I took him on a very long journey looking at where his ‘new music’ originated from … that ‘Sing’ didn’t make up these songs, but they were in fact ‘covers’. Nothing wrong with covers I said; but plugging that he needed to know where they came from. Just like family 🙂

Then we did a check of music genres, as he was certain that he should be playing his other ‘grandfathers’ music. Little bug bear for me … his ‘other grandfather’ (my ex-husband), is a critical twat; and he’s told Moko #1 that he ‘hits the drums too hard’, ‘can’t follow the beat properly’ and ‘needs to listen better’; which has quite successfully, taken Moko #1s joy away re playing the drums … or anything for that matter. My mission is to give that back to him 😉

So, I proceeded to play him this, for abit of inspiration 😉 :

  • Alien Weaponry – Raupatu, 2017.
  • No copyright was found, however, because I’m down with promoting Tangata Whenua, the following is on the YouTube blurb:
  • Published on Jan 31, 2017
    Produced By Tom Larkin
    Mixed by Samuel K Sproull at Studios in The city Melbourne.
    Recorded at Roundhead Studios New Zealand.
    Videography by Dave Thomson & Piotr Ziomus.
  • You can also follow Alien Weaponry here:
  • What is ultra ultra brilliant about this band, is that they are all Tangata Whenua, and they are all young men 🙂

Now not a thrash metal fan myself, I wasn’t too sure how he’d take this … but much to my surprise … he loved it! And the reason, I figured … was because if nothing else … thrash is pure artistic expression! And Moko #1 could feel that!

So today, we have an old friend of ours …  and a thrash metal drummer … going out to Mokos house to show him how he plays the drums 😉 Excellent!!!!

So back to the lessons: Moko #1 was insistent that this song:

  • Don’t You Worry Bout A Thing (Cover) – Tori Kelly, 2016.

… came from the movie ‘Sing’ … again … and again, a long winded disagreement ensued, until I found this:

  • Don’t You Worry Bout A Thing – Stevie Wonder, release 1973.

And now we have a new Stevie Wonder fan in Moko #1 … who is also apparently impressed that a blind guy can play the piano like that!

Which got us back to the topic of

“Feeling the Music”

Big smiles as Moko got it, finally !!!

Yuss – my job here is done!



366 reasons to smile ~ +17

+17 . Me and moko 4 🙂 Only time I manage to get cuddles with her is when she’s asleep! xo



mauri of me #2

This little human being, (moko #4) melts the heart. The youngest of the mokos at the moment, she has arrived at a time when I am more responsive as a Nan.

And theres a few things that I’ve really noticed about her … and Me.

She has no fear … no fear of being wrong, or right, of screaming what she wants, of doing her own thing. She, even at 2, is outspoken and demanding … she knows exactly what she wants and needs. And when she does become frightened, of a noise, or a stranger, or something she doesn’t understand … she is still able to demand what she needs … ‘I need comfort … a cuddle …’, whatever … she is able to articulate (verbally and non-verbally) that in no uncertain terms 😉

And as I watch her demand her space and freedom and her cuddles and anything else that she wants or needs … I see what I missed, but was always going on inside of Me.

I possess that same strength … it is just being ‘voiced’ exponentially ‘now’, making up for everything that never got to be expressed ‘then’.

Thats not a sad thing … thats a part of Me that I can do now … it’s also a part of Me that this little human being has inherited … and she will master it better than Me 🙂


366 reasons to smile ~ +14.

+14. I was talking to my girls the other week, about the letters they used to write and send me (via snail mail) when they were living with their dad. It occurred to us, that the mokos had never received mail, and probably never would at the rate our technology is advancing.

So I decided to write them a letter each and send it to them 🙂

So far its been 5 days and they haven’t gotten them yet LOL.


the start of a new generation…2008

Interesting re-reading these … I’d pretty much forgotten, again, the shitfest that was my life by this stage … and I’d forgotten that it had actually started way earlier than what I’ve been blabbering on about … I usually start with … ‘back in 2010’ … but No, it was 2008, if not earlier. I wish someone had’ve clicked to the pts(d) thing … I wish I had.
I am pleased to note that I have always been stubborn and will eventually take matters into my own hands … and these days, its sooner rather than later!
And my beautiful Moko … that right there was the start of something fan-fucking-tastic! 3 Mokos later and life would not be the same without them!
I am pleased I am here. I really do need to remember this more.


We had moved into a new place…me, my girl and my partner. He had two daughters…one the same age as my little girl and another who is a couple of years younger. We had been trying to do the ‘blended’ families thing…separately, and it was proving to be slightly challenging. His younger girl lived with her mother during the week and came to us on the weekends. Boy we had some clashes in those early days…lots and lots of clashes. His older girl didn’t have much to do with him…that was her families choice…and it cut him up most of the time.

Me and my girl were used to each other, and our way of being. He was used to his. And as I’ve said before, we are both chalk and cheese…actually more like night and day! His version of parenting was…yes, yes and yes…you can have and do whatever…

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