yeah yeah

ive spent 10 years trying to figure out ptsd, anxiety, stress & how to manage those fuckers.

it’s all been unsure.

it’s all been random and scary.

pretty much 2020 in a nutshell.


thinkings ..

had this floating round in the grey matter for a few weeks but still find it quite difficult to string together a legible / literate sentence .. so it is what it is & will come forth as it needs to lol. proceed with caution & open mind as i have not edited of spell checked lol ;)


been watching with interest the covid unfoldings & all the fuckery thats come with it. also all the shiftings & good shit thats come from it, cos yep, theres some amazingly good shit thats come from it all ..

here NZ, we are currently in level 3 which apparently consists of ‘staying home’, working from home, schooling from home, non contact sales, limited travel .. etc .. y’all can google the rest lol.

in level 4 it was supposed to be complete shut down of everything except essentials. made for interesting pondering on what & who was actually deemed fucking essential & who was not. i watched as peeps actually devolved into psycho panic stricken toilet paper buying freaks! & realised, these cunts have no idea how to stay home! they cant cook, they cant self soothe & have no internal direction other than OUT!

& for some strange ass reason, i felt a whole lot better & a whole lot more ‘normal’. turns out im not as fucked up as i had originally thought & that psych report or not, i had more idea of how to live in this environment than the rest of the world!

well go fucken figure ay.

but as the ‘threat’ to health has apparently dissipated slightly, the freaks have become emboldened. not america type emboldened, while they feel the need to protest the right to get a fucken haircut ffs .. but emboldened as in, here, they are quite happy to return to the way things were.

the way things were?

i’ll say this for our country .. we are resourceful & humorous which gets us through a lot of BS. we are also complacent & spoilt rotten.

we believe it is our right to live as we see fit, even if it isn’t good for the planet or people of families .. if we can drink our way through anything, than a pandemic is surely it!

now i get that we all gotta cope the BS somehow. but then we gotta move. we gotta move through it or we vegetate.

& all i can see at present is a whole heap of vegetative morons who have sobered up enough to get their asses back to work so they can … make money, pay bills, make bills, drink & make more money. in between all that a few well placed thought provoking memes will do .. but substance? fuck no.

& this is my dilemma of sorts.

if the world cant learn to stay off the mouse wheel after being pushed off’ve it, then what fucking hope is there?

case in point .. 2 days before we came out of level 4, residents here received notification that the forestry block to the the east of us would be sprayed with roundup. now most residents didn’t give a fuck cos thats the kind of people they are .. google it lol .. for me, i nearly cried .. aside from the fact that that shit is poisonous af & im a swarm of immune deficiency, with a badge lol .. i couldn’t help but think of what we as a society, have done to the earth (papatuanuku) over the years .. not out of necessity, but out of greed .. & that she was just beginning to breath again & we gonna go and fuck it all up.

we just cant help ourselves!!! & when i say we, i mean them .. i dont put myself in that category cos ive diligently & thoughtfully extracted myself from those cunty practices for the better part of a couple decades.

& add to the environmental pollution, the myriad of emails & notifications i been getting about supporting local businesses.


my take on that is simple really.

if you were willing to assist me prior to the rona, in all ways i may have asked for assistance .. then i’ll continue supporting your business. if you didn’t, then you can go eat a fat one now.


anyway ..

thats just me. me & my strain of thoughts.

its an interesting time to be alive.

all in all, im fucking grateful.




watching shit ..

here’s an interesting turn of events i shall place my opinion on .. just cos i can.

as i’ve watched the ‘events’ unfold in the last couply weeks, there is a pattern emerging.

its one peeps tend to go through over a longer period of time, especially those that are faced with a traumatic event or illness or disability etc .. [its one i’ve been unfolding for years ..]

theres denial, then embracing & trying to turn it into a positive thing, then exhausting your current resources & energy, then reframing & looking for alternatives, then back to the positive mumbo jumbo, then a lull (depression), then recalibrating & finding more alternatives after your demand for things to go back to the way they use to be dont work .. & then that is followed by another slump & further denial.

in the denial phase there are certain behaviours apparent. one is the ‘fuck you i’ll do what i want’ mentality, another is ‘fuck this im shit scared & gonna be as complaint af so i can get on with it’ aka back to my old life .. within that framework theres a see-saw, from one extreme to the other. that needs to happen to get to the balance that you can live with.

if you dont look at the shit that presents itself, ie our personal shit storm .. & continue on in outright denial .. you will run out of energy & resources.

Because, my furry little friends, shit is not the same. its changing. 

the stuff you could run from & throw yourself in to eg work, play, dissociative BS .. is not longer available for your embellishment. now im all down for a sedative (in whatever form that takes) or 2 .. imo, its necessary to transition.

but heres the kicker .. its got to be a transition.

you gotta make peace with the fact the shit aint the same and is never going to be. you gotta look at the shit that you dread .. which is usually YOU. you gotta do that process no matter whether its sickness, disability, trauma or the current circumstances. 

the reality is .. this present situation, is not a new thing for indigenous people. 

they have been coming for us for years. we are used to this & have learned to work around it. yes, many of us have gone quiet. but we’re watching. & we’re listening. & we’re wondering if you were listening too.

advice : ground yourself .. figure out what you’re made of. NOW. & fast.

dont be ‘that guy’. 

cos, we all still have control of Us. of how we process .. & how we respond. & in all reality, thats all we’ve ever really had control of .

kpm ©



3650 + 1 day/s of self isolation.

cos why not ay.

its 26 march 2020 1250.

seems like an almost morbid time to be doing this shit, but strike while the iron audience is hot, captive & listening .. thats the saying aint it ..

hmmm ..

& it won’t be all doom & gloom .. well, not my version of it .. but since i err on the side of both, y’all could be in for a thumpy ride lol ..


so, i didn’t think i’d live to see a revolution .. well, a revolution of sorts. it’s been on the cards for a long long long time, but this is some fuckery aight.

i’m thinking the powers that be hadn’t figured that this would be a re-set but more of a shift in power. but the way i see it is a shift in power is always a re-set, it depends on the individual as to whether its to their betterment or not.

its some scary shit really. & i dont mean the virus itself. people die of viruses everyday.

whats scary is the incapacity of this country to deal with something on this type of level & the snails pace in dealing with it is .. well .. complacent ?

& thats the thing with Us.

we’re a complacent self centred bunch of fucktards.

pretty much.

you know how i know?

cos we have had individuals within our society for  a very long time, who have been effectively, discounted, disregarded, forgotten, ditched & fucked. in a nutshell, we are Not ‘inclusive’. inclusivity is discussed, pondered, studied & even categorised, sure. & after the report has come out, we are still un-inclusive.

if we were inclusive, completely .. we would not be in this mess.

ponder that.

y’all got time.

so now, those that are going to need the health system are going to be failed by it .. again .. because it will become overloaded.

well, it was already overloaded.

& We were blamed for that. that we were overusing resources, that we should take better care of ourselves, that we should quit smoking & eat better food, that we should exercise more & include more celery into our diets blah de fucking blah.

but guess what. 

that wasnt the cause of this.

& it won’t be the cure.

& although ‘they’ have known for a very long time that ‘the system’ had humungous fucken gaps in it, they haven’t filled them. actually, this is the biggest fucken example of the ambulance at the bottom of the hill there ever has been .. & we’ve been existing on this shit for many years.

i guess if you can take anything from it for now .. its .. slow the fuck down. stop consuming what you dont need .. but first,  figure out what you do need.

you see overnight, someone else has decided for you, what is now essential & non-essential. You should have done that shit a very long time ago.


anyways, i’ll leave it there for now.


breathe big. breathe hearty.


#mystory #ourstory

#change #reset #breathe #nature #life #photographyislife

kpm © : ig @kpm-artist