yesterday i found myself listening to someone i love, unravel. i knew what was happening. they weren’t completely aware.

this strong, beautiful soul, was having a full scale panic attack, teetering on the point of foetal position. not quite, but nearly there.

i was surprised i recognised it so quickly. i was pleased i was able to talk them through it … gently. i was sad that i needed to talk them through it. i was also slightly relieved: that this is the beginning of something better for them.

kpm © : ig @kpm-artist






it’s fear.

coming in phases.

choking the breath

right outta your body.

kpm ©


reconcile the hormones?

So my sedative intake, apart from the antihistamines (which is down to about 1/2 every week), is about the same. And I’m still discerning the difference between a hot flush and a panic fuck … they are so similar it is spooky!

I had an interesting conversation with my Mama whilst we were away … about the menopause situation etc. She was watching Me sweat and quiver and quietly freak out and very nicely asking if I was alright … and then she remembered that she had started having hot flushes when she was in her mid-30s and they were exasperated or brought on when she exerted herself and / or got angry.

I had a super-duper AH-Fucking-HAH moment I tell yah! I could relate perfectly … so I’m hoping that based on those dates / years … I should nearly be done with menopause !!! LOL.

But after this conversation we got onto what a panic attack feels like … signs, symptoms, what brings them on … and hit on something in that jumble fuck.

That if my hormones are doing what they should, but in essence I feel completely out of control of my body … it follows that thats what brings on the panic fuck.

I don’t like being out of control … especially of my … Yes, MY … body, thanks to pts fucking d.  So something else to work on I guess … like I didn’t have enough already pfft!

Anyway … so heres to another week of hormone imbalance-rebalance-apparently all in fucking balance survival!

Cheers Me :)

kpm ©