I had a quick glimpse of a medium sized epiphany this morning … on my way from the laundry to the kitchen, which was the wrong way I might add … carrying the 4th pile of random clothing and miscellaneous items in about 15 minutes.
“Ahhhh, thats right … this is what motherhood looks like …. Faaarrrrkkkkk”
I didn’t think I had forgotten, but I had lol.
My girl and her partner now have 4 little darlings. The youngest is a few days old … the oldest is 11 next year. Theres like a 10 minute gap between the oldest and 2nd oldest (just kidding … theres like 13 months … which I might add, is really like juggling twins, but worse … ), and then theres a 5 year gap between 2nd and 3rd and now a 4 year gap between 3rd and 4th.
I didn’t have that.
And as I was rubbing my extremely over tired puffy allergy infested eyeballs and trying to get my equilibrium back on track whilst listening too 3 little people talk flat tack and eat their breakfast and put on sock and scream at the other that ‘thats not how mama ties my laces’ … I was thinking …
“How the fuck …. ”
Mothers and fathers all over the world, doing their do, raising their babies, picking snot off clothes and dry food outta hair … trying to find matching socks whilst convincing their babies that ‘unmatched socks are the in thing now, don’t you know …’ – they are all freaking fucking amazing.
You know, they have our next generations in their hands and they’re shaping and growing those little people … equipping them to be game changers, open thinkers, challengers … enjoyers of Life.
And thats a fucking hard job.
And I wonder … why the fuck doesn’t our government acknowledge and pay that shit? And closer to home … whose thanking the parents daily, for doing what they do?
Well today, I honour my daughters and partners of, for the most fucking amazing jobs that they do with my beautiful mokos … for the unseen jobs they do daily to raise awesome little humans into big humans.
As we all know, I have issues … tonnes and tonnes of issues. But who hasn’t ay? Maybe those that are in denial; or those that have waded through the muddy waters of self enlightenment and come out the other end to tell their enlightenment story; or maybe those that live a perpetuated lie?
Or maybe I’m just too cynical.
One of my ‘tonnage’ issues.
But recently I’ve become more and more aware of the lack (for want of a better word) of empowerment that we – meaning society and A lot of the individuals living in that society – are willing to Give.
Do tell Me.
Ok. I will.
When I was raising my daughters I did a possibly 40% shit job, 40% blood, sweat and tears and 20% trial and bloody era. But I think thats parenting really. A lot of it is hit and miss.
But 1 basic, which I thought was what every parent did, was try to empower their kids.
By this I mean, not just teach them the stuff you were taught or the stuff you wish you were taught – but teach them; show them how to Live. Teach them practical skills to help themselves as individuals. Teach them that they have a right to certain things because they are human, but that other things are privileges, that not everyone is afforded. Teach them generosity. Teach them boundaries. Teach them basic life skills.
Teach them to pick up their clothes. Teach them to do their own washing. Teach them to put together a basic meal. Teach them the value of nutritious food. Teach them to make decisions based on what is best for them. Teach them to figure out what they believe in. Teach them to develop their own thought processes. Teach them to be considerate of others. Teach them to say No. Teach them routine. Teach them flexibility.
Teach them to trust their instincts.
But for a raft of seemingly daft reasons, theres a shit load of parents who do not, or cannot do this.
One reason, which still rips my ration book, is the ‘I had it hard so I want my kids to have it better than I did’.
Guess what – everyone has it hard to some degree. We lived through it though didn’t we. Ours kids are not being beaten, unfed, neglected or abused. Don’t treat them like porcelain dolls because We had it hard.
Another reasonably fucked up reason, which I still can’t quite grasp, is the parents who think they Own their kids. They want them for their own benefit. Whether thats to make them feel better about themselves or they want someone to control, I’m unsure.
But guess what. You don’t Own your kids. You gave them life and your responsibility is to Empower them to be righteous, skilled, free-thinking, staunch people. Also – it’s definitely not cool to be manipulating another grown human being, to get what you want and because you think They Owe You.
I’ve met a shit tonne of incapable adults over the last few years. Adults that think it’s ok to let someone else to the hard yards that they can reap the benefits from. Adults that think they can lie and get what they want. Adults that can order a pizza but can’t order themselves.
And behind these adults there are parents that did it all for them.
Now I’m not blaming parents at this stage. An adult has the ability to unravel themselves from dysfunction and grow up. It can take a bit of doing, but it’s doable. If your sitting around blaming mummy and daddy for your co-dependence lazy ass, that is a cop out.
Man up. Grow some fucking balls (lady balls if that be the case).
Rant over ;)
As you know, my relationship with my father, has been … tentative … estranged … different. But it is what it is …
I’m grateful for life … and have to thank him for a certain portion of that.
It’s hard to know what to say about it him, because I don’t know him that well. I am pleased, that at 45, I get the chance to get to know him just a little bit more.
I know his life was pretty shit … he endured some hard times and inflicted some equally hard times on others.
Out of everything … I hope he finds some peace. Just like Me … I hope he finds some contentment within himself.