use yah .. initiative??

“I expected you to

Use Your Initiative”

he says …

as he’s

looking for his undies

his socks

the lid for the milk

his car keys

his eftpos card

his appointment card

his phone

the lawn mower

the rubbish bin

his drawers,

where all his clothing lives

…..

shall I go on?

***

First Published on: Jun 8, 2016 @ 09:53 lol

salutations

hey dear.

hey dear.

how was your day.

good.

and yours.

good.

whatcha do.

oh you know, bit of this and that.

and you.

oh you know,

sweet fuck all.

whose cooking?

not me.

***

First Published on: Feb 26, 2016 @ 15:53 ❤

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mauri of me #29 ~ the partner

not often, in my life

have i experienced one so

full of depth

and soul.

while that may be a secret

to those that on-look.

for those that have cared

to look properly; they see.

you are more than what they say,

more than what you say.

a rare, rare find,

in a world this hollow.

oh, you’re still annoying.

still messy, and unorganised.

but that is just surface stuff.

what makes you, you … the stuff that matters –

that

is a

one of a kind

find

SaveSave

beer and burgers and the weekend that was

A bit overdue I know … but I’ve been processing. Gotta love the processing part lol.

As Friday night closed and Saturday morning rolled around, I ended up more stressed than anxious I think. To most, they may seem like the same thing – To Me they are distinctly different. Stress, of the mundane kind, I can deal with but it makes Me butt ugly angry. So if anything, I call it being pissed off; those looking on, call it ‘over dramatised stress’. So really thats got more to do with them, than Me. And anxiety, for Me, is the pre requisite for a panic attack. The distinct difference, is the latter is a debilitating ass wipe that leaves Me feeling vulnerable, not angry.

Angry gets shit done.

Vulnerable leaves you debilitated.

So, rolling with stressed on Saturday morning, I’m asking the partner (because this is his soirée) …

‘so, what time is everyone coming?’ … ‘dunno’ …

‘what time did you tell people to come?’ … ‘saturday’ …

Oh my fuck! And thats how most of the day rolled out.

Now I’ve come to grips with the partner being as he is. A man. He doesn’t plan like Me; he doesn’t organise, anything – and he definitely doesn’t do time frames. He actually adds to the anxiety that is Me, but I’ve also learnt a lot from him … I’ve had too otherwise I’d be fucking insaner than I already am!

So 12 o’clock rolls by, as does 1 … and I’m hungry as fuck lol.

‘Dear … can we make some food?’ … ‘Um … I haven’t got any buns … they’re coming’

WTF? LOL.

So peeps start arriving at this point and there isn’t any food.

“Learning Moment” … I pulled the partner aside and ever so gently said to him …

“Do you have a Plan B sweetheart?” … ‘Nope’ … “So this is where, as anal as I am, I would have a Plan B”. He looks at Me a little astounded and says, “Ok, so if I was to have a Plan B, what do you suggest that should be?” …

Oh my fuck, is all I’m thinking.

“Plan B would have been purchasing some spare buns and having them in the cupboard. It would be buying more than 1 lettuce to feed 25 people … so maybe 4 or 5 … and then the rest of the salad ingredients … Plan B would be ensuring I had all the meat patties here and ready to go.”

“Ohhhhh” … says Partner … “That sounds good”.

*groan*

And while that conversation right there pretty much sums up the whole day: I must say, I coped pretty fucking gangstah-ly with the whole thing!

The family came – landed – caused chaos – and departed. And I watched, slightly interacted, and felt reasonably unaffected.

The friends came – landed – settled in – caused abit of chaos – and departed. And again, I watched, slightly interacted where I wanted too, and felt reasonably unaffected.

What I found super duper interesting, is whilst I was ‘Managing Myself’, quite a few of those around Me found that -how would you put it – threatening?!. They wanted Me to engage in their incessant grizzling; they wanted Me to ‘put shoes on’; they wanted Me to drink; the wanted Me to eat more. And as I said No, or thank you – No thank you … they squirmed something awful. It made them feel enormously uncomfortable. And usually that discomfort effects Me, as in it makes Me feel anxious. But not this time.

I was able to see what was happening, and more importantly, see that it wasn’t my problem at all 🙂

So as the night wore on I ended up being one of the last ones awake. There were a few hard cores that stayed up and drank themselves into a stupor. But all in all, I enjoyed my night. And so did my partner!

What I was mostest proudest of for him and Me, is we both managed ourselves; did our thang, separately and individually … but we both allowed each other to do Us. It was quite liberating for the both of Us 😉 I think he enjoyed not having to ‘babysit’ Me. He’s figured out that I am capable of managing myself, its just other people that don’t like how I do that, but thats not his problem – Or Mine 🙂

There was an ‘incident’, of which I am still processing – whereby a friend took offence to another friends manner. As I have been told – the 2nd friend was hitting on the first friends husband.

What I found most interesting, again … is while I’m pretty good at picking up whats going on around Me; somehow, I completely missed this!

My daughter said to Me later, that I hadn’t picked it up because I’m ‘not like that’. I didn’t, and still don’t, understand, what that means. But she says I don’t do drama therefore hadn’t picked up on what I guess I deemed to be, un-necessary drama. I was a bit distraught that our mate had been offended and felt uncomfortable by the whole situation – but it did leave Me wondering – If that was a flirtatious encounter that was witnessed by everyone around Me, then it wasn’t very good!

Needless to say – I don’t have a romantic or flirtatious bone in my body 😉

So, all in all, a good weekend … many burgers consumed (finally), and many beers had … and for Me, survival skills employed succinctly! I think I’m looking forward to the next event, which is fucking amazing for Me !

birthdays birthdays

April and June are our birthday steroid months. I think theres 5 or 6 in April and the same for June.

Cool Story … lol,

Which brings Me to this weekend; where there will be, what was going to be, a small gathering of friends and fams.

Last count 25 and rising … eek.

All good … I’m breathing … I have my toolkit … eek.

Seriously though … this will be the first time in about 4 years that I’ve been in the same vicinity with all of the fams – both sides.

Eek and double eek.

Oh and I have drugs if I need them 😉

Wish Me luck … if I can pull this shit off without offending anyone to badly or having a giant ass meltdown … the possibilities could be endless 😉

Oh, and my father is apparently flying into the country on Saturday … again … maybe.

Eeeeeekkkk.

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366 reasons to smile ~ +147.

+147. L O L … guess who got this phrase levelled at them 😉

love the free stuff

I was looking round my little house the other day, and it occurred to Me that virtually all the stuff in there …

*quick digress – theres not a lot of stuff – I like things minimal … and there’d actually be less stuff, but the partner is a fucking hoarder LOL … FML! – end digression*

… Is free.

As in, it was given to us, or we found it, or ‘inherited’ it, or made it, or re-cycled it … or it was out the front of someones house, marked “FREE” 🙂

No shit!

I think the only thing Me and the partner have bought as a ‘couple’ is a mortar and pestle … oh, and my coffee grinder.

Yup, thats it. LOL.

man time

Thanks to some old friend of the partners, he’s been off watching rugby today. I could almost smell the testosterone seeping from his pores as he left this morning with his beersies packed in the chilly bin and a comfy chair to sit in during the 40 minute each way, game lol.

Couldn’t think of anything more boring … except maybe dinner with the in-laws …

But this is long over-due for the partner. He’s been in need of ‘man-time’ for ages; I’m hoping he’ll return a bit less of cunt than he has been for the past few weeks.

Not sure why or how … I don’t really understand men very well. But he gets this irksome thing happening, where he just looks like he wants to wrestle someone to the ground and roll around in the mud with them. I’m never keen.

Whatever it is … it seems to be quenched with his man friends, beersies and Rugby arrrghhh lol.

Hallelujah 😉

Mid-life crisis or Man PMS?

I think the partner is having pre-menstrual cramps at the moment … and whoever said men don’t have a menstruation cycle have never lived with a man for longer than a few months … they do … and its way worse than ours … JS.

Either that or he’s having one of those mid-life crises.

Every pay day is pretty much the same. Shopping, bills … hissy fit cos theres not enough money and another matching hissy fit cos no-ones appreciating what it is to do the ‘right thing’.

Does it help that I usually chip in at this point with:

“At least you have a payday … 

“Would you like an award or some kind of mar degrade to celebrate the things women have been doing without a penny or so much as a fucking thank you card … for eons?

“You could always Not pay the power, rent, food …

“Maybe you should get another one of those bank loans you’re so fond of and go and buy some more crap you don’t use and pay back that bank loan over 3 years, with interest, just so you can have a little extra now and be paying back extra weekly for 3 years; thusly depleting your weekly income … 

Hmmm. They never seem to go down very well.

But I am over it. And have been for awhile. And since I’m trying to manage myself and my shit, I do not have much time for self righteous grizzling.

You see. A. I don’t have an income. B. I don’t have any bills either, thanks to the job loss and bankruptcy. C. Oh, thanks to pts fucking (d). D. I paid everything, and I mean everything, for fucking years. E. I paid for everything for fucking years and paid for my daughter. F. That was my fucking job. G. There are no thank yous for that shit. It’s called being a fucking human, doing human fucking responsible shit.

So, yeah. Not much time or patience for the other shit.

Interestingly enough … we had a little convo last night about the ‘it’ll happen when it happens’ marriage – nearly 4 years in the making or waiting. He has a tendency to espouse that I am trying to tie him down … or what ever that concept is when you’re in your 40s.

It’s then, that I reminded him:

A. You proposed to Me, not the other way round.

B. Actually, I couldn’t give a shit … Marriage is something You said You believe in. I don’t. But I agreed to it because I love you.

Apparently these are unwelcome truths also.

Do I care about getting married? Nope.

What is it I care about then?

Not being fucking lured into a false sense of security. Not being fucking lied too. Not being held hostage to something I never promised.

So … I wonder if We are drawing to a close.

It’s possible.

It might be a sad thing. It might be a necessary thing.

Not sure really.

Watch this space.

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366 reasons to smile ~ +101.

+101. My Nan used to say something similar to this … with a certain amount of disdain though lol 😉