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365 reasons to smile ~ 76.

76. Vinyl shopping…best day ever 😂
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Ohhh I remember this :) I loved that day … #throwback to Mar 16, 2016. I was so fucken nervous and hadn’t yet struck upon the smell thing or the sounds agitating Me.

And I still managed to buy the vinyl ;) Yah Me xo

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365 reasons to smile ~ 75.

75. More of a WTF belly laugh actually…This is the man’s idea of ‘catching a mouse’ … affectionately called, mouse hunting!
Yes, that’s right, he’s standing on a chair … and No, the gun isn’t real. ..it’s what I call, a Man Toy! 😂😂😂
BTW no mouse was actually caught whilst this photo was being taken! !
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#throwback Mar 15, 2016 … Yep still funny as fuck lol!

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365 reasons to smile ~ 59.

59. Oh I is grasping at a little tinsy winsy straw today … as the entity that resides with me is being an absolute twot … this is the only thing that has given me half a grin today …

My ‘eclectic’ playlist :)

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#throwback Feb 28, 2016, LOL … ‘the entity …’ … and guess what, he still manages to be a twot at times – I’ve just learnt how to filter him out abit better LMAO!

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365 reasons to smile ~ 52.

52. Story time with Koro – National Geographic! 😃

#throwback Feb 21, 2016 … lol she still enjoys a good story … and that pic though lol, taken on my crusty phone :)

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365 reasons to smile ~ 36.

36. Freshly caught fish, battered, and on the plate, in an afternoon 😆
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#throwback Feb 5, 2016: Yass … time for another plate of freshly caught Ika I believe … been craving this lately!

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365 reasons to smile ~ 32.

32. Pipi fritters 😆

#throwback Feb 1, 2016

And still love these <3
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365 reasons to smile ~ 7.

7. When its benign!

image#throwback Jan 7, 2016

Oh, I had forgotten about this! My partners results had come back as clear. Fuck did we breath a sigh of relief xo

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emotions

Not my forte really. Emotions. They’re something I recognise when they’re being ‘expelled’ in someone else, and the ‘acting out’ of them I can see, but I’m extremely unsure of what they ‘are’.

Sheldon. Thats what my partner calls Me.

But emotions are intangible ‘things’ that seem more like an expression that can be mimicked and therefore are not reliable … to my reasoning.

So this morning, as my gutt turned … again … I thought to ask it what the fuck was going on with it … again.

Without over analysing the situation to badly, I back tracked to when it first made it’s annoying little surge.

It had happened whilst speaking to my partner on the phone. Now thats nothing new .. he annoys Me more than most, which I have heard, is fairly ‘normal’.

The partner has been away for nearly a week and I’ve been enjoying the middle of the bed, the peace and quiet, the small amounts of washing … and of course, watching all the movies I like :) So when my tummy surged this morning whilst speaking with him, I didn’t recognise it as an ’emotion’ … ewww dirty word!

I miss him.

Which means somewhere in Me, I’m ‘attached’ to him, or am ‘fond’ of him.

Yes, I know this sounds a little weird … but attachment and fondness are words I’d use to describe ‘actions’ not emotions.

To be attached to ‘someone’ is, in my ‘world’, a vulnerability.

I don’t like vulnerability.

Hence the tummy lurch and the awkward feeling.

Which, by the way, went away when I rang him back later and informed him that ‘I do believe I miss you’. Which of course he found amusing and it went straight to his head lol. But I could ‘hear’ the ’emotion’ in his voice. He was pleased.

Now this is not a dance I do very well or very often.

With my kids … Yes.

With my mokos … Yes.

Anyone else … No.

It’s also possibly why I don’t have any ‘Flossy Posse’ type girlfriends. Because as much as I would like to have friends that I believe ‘have my back’, I am incapable of letting anyone ‘have my back’, or becoming ‘fond’ of them enough to see that as important.

Friendship has always been a type of negotiation for Me.

One of my very good friends, is very similar to Me. It’s a strange thing really. We negotiate our conversations and I can understand what she’s on about and vice versa. I get her. She gets Me. Would I ‘have her back’ in any situation? Probably … but that would be a negotiable situation, depending on the variables at the time … and vice versa.

LOL.

When my partner hears Me and this friend speaking to each other he reckons its like having 2 Sheldons in the room discussing quantum physics or something … it is completely void of what we’d deem ’emotion’, but for Us, it is the closest we have of what ‘tight friendship’ is.

So is the ‘non-emotion’ thing wrong? Or just different?

Is my way of attachment and feeling a surge of ‘missing someone’ normal? Or just my normal?

Either way … I felt better when I told him … which indicates to Me it’s more about speaking my truth.

Something I had become good at, and got it slightly fucked up over the last year or so.

Maybe thats because My Truth is changing <3

point of difference?

Me and the partner are like chalk and cheese … light and dark … sunshine and rain … black and white … up and down …

You get my drift ay.

And that’s not just in opinion or taste or dislikes or food … it’s in virtually everything. We have some common ground, but even there we tend to sit at completely different ends of that spectrum.

We’ve learnt a lot from each other as the years have transpired and tend to think of ourselves as a yin and yang rather than complete opposites. You can’t have a yin without a yang, if you get my meaning …

But sometimes … just sometimes …

I got rid of most of the time wasters and hanger-on-ers that milled around my existence, a very long time ago. When they do ring and want something my go-to is a big fat NO. My partner isn’t like that at all. I’ve learnt a bit of balance and perspective from him I guess, and won’t cut a niggah off as quick as I used too. However, I’m a perceptive wee thing and can usually tell when someone be yanking my chain. Thats a tool the partner doesn’t possess. Yet. He’s working on it, slowly … but pretty much, if someone asked for the shirt off’ve his back, he’d give it.

Now I don’t have a problem with that part of his character at all. It’s part of the reason I love him. But …

Yes there’s a But …

When said chain yanker already has a custom-made shirt from Italy on, and they’re asking for his because they left their other handmade shirt from France, at home, and they’re sweaty and uncomfortable … and my partners shirt looks more comfy …

Then I have a problem with him giving the shirt off his back and I also have a problem with the Italian / French shirt wearing douchebag.

But he is surrounded by them. Literally. Nearly every person he knows is to one degree or another, like this.

I know this because I’ve witnessed it, obviously … but even more annoying is this:

The partner has had a back injury for nearly 10 years. He injured it on the job and hasn’t worked full-time since then. Now this kills him. He’s a worker. He loves doing physical stuff and he’s damn good at it. So to lose the ability to do this has messed with him mentally and physically. Now he can’t sit without cringing in pain.

And then there’s the chain yanking tossers …

They’ll ring … ‘hey bro, can you give us a hand to build … construct … move … hey bro, can we borrow some money … hey bro can you look after our kids … hey bro … you’re not doing anything, can you pick us up … drop us off …’

On and on it goes. And they have no fucking shame either! They don’t think … Ahhh this man is injured, maybe we should ask someone else … Or, ahh this man is injured, how about We help him out!!

It pisses Me no end.

Theres no telling him though and the extent of my lectures now only involve a mild … ‘oh well …’, when he complains about his back hurting because he’s helped a ‘friend’ move house.

I also don’t concede anymore. Meaning, when I ask for a hand and he complains, I remind him that he can do way more for every other cunt so he can do it for the cunt that has put up with his bullshit for the last god knows how long.

He gets my point.

But sometimes, just sometimes …

I think there’s going to come a day when I make a little Facebook post, so they can all see it, and it’ll read a little something like this:

“Hey … all you fuckers that have bled [partner] dry … have rung in the middle of the night for a drunken pity party … have borrowed our last dollar … have promised to be here, but don’t ever come … have suggested [partner] needs to get over it and get a job … that we have it easy … that have asked for everything and given nothing … Yes, you lot … Don’t bother ringing here … I’ll hang up on your bludging assess … Don’t bother borrowing money … I will come and get it back, with fucking interest … In fact, fuck off completely.” Kindest fucking regards from the Missus!

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366 reasons to smile ~ +260.

+260. Yup, this is Me with the partner LOL

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