which isn’t really usual for me, right.
but i haven’t quite been able to get my head round it all .. so this, as usual, will tumble out as it does.
as a fore-mention .. apparently the hormones dont care if the world is struggling with some kind of epic pandemic proportionalities .. they will still fuck wit cha lol.
the last couple weeks have seen our country move from a full on level 4, which included a tonne of fear & complete lockdown – no travel or delivery services except for ‘essential services’ .. which also meant ‘essential’ was subsequently, redefined .. then just like that, apparently the worst was over & we moved from a 4 to a 3 .. & that included non-contact services could re-open, peeps could go back to work (non-essential) as long as there was social distancing (yes, that also got redefined as an actual thing) put in place .. this also included the re-opening of shit services including Maccas .. & good lawd did we fall for it or what!!! ques for miles, rubbish for miles. .. then all of a sudden, & i say that with the attached drama that is intended lol .. we’re moving from 3 to 2. & this is where our country be atm.
i’ll pause that bus here ..
i’ve watched the world, literally, display some fucked up behaviour over the last month and a half. the ‘good’ upshot, is ive been able to compare my pts(d) with the anxiety & symptoms being readily displayed on social media, & find an unusual balance / comparison / reality.
for me, life over the last decade, has been about adjustment, utilising resources & finding resources i didn’t know existed .. learning .. fast & slow .. trying to process @ a pace that suits me & then recalibrate for a world that, as a whole, doesnt give a shit about me or people like me.
i’d come, or was fast arriving, prior to the covid, to a place of trying to accept me for me on a deeper level. that anxiety exists .. pts(d) is a symptom, healing takes place @ levels & is continuous, & getting stuck isn’t always a bad thing. i’d also started to embrace the beauty in it all. that being ‘stuck’ meant quiet .. quiet appreciation for whats going on right here & now .. what nature / life has to show you even if you’d rather be doing something else.
& then when the world ground to a halt & toilet paper became scarce & toilet paper jokes became the thing *eye ball roll inserted*, i realised how un-ready & un-prepared people were for being ‘un-well’. i’d spent the past 10 plus years grappling with something they all had approximately 3 days to adjust too. at that point, i hoped there’d be some kind of cosmic shift *inserting another eye ball roll* & a universal awakening of some kind.
instead, they made tik toks, decided that supermarkets workers were actually worth something & took up hand washing.
it all disturbed me, but i couldn’t put my finger on the why it disturbed me. people are freaks & really, did this behaviour surprise me? nope. so why be disturbed by it?
because .. as i soon discovered .. it was in my hood.
what does that mean?
because ive cultivated ‘alternative’ resources, avenues of support etc & they’ve all been via the internet .. i’ve also learnt how to wade through the sometimes ses pit and bullshit that is the internets .. & then to have millions of peeps, all new to the game, get up in there and disturb its flow … wellllllll, that messed with me feng shui.
so what was my point again …
i dont know that we’ve actually actuals learnt anything.
now that the internets (round here anyways) have died down & everyones returned to their ‘normal’ lives, its become apparent, to me anyways, that they were quite content with the pollution, the humdrum, the bills, the raucous, the lame ass-ness .. the complacency. yes, thats it .. they’re quite content with the complacency that comes with ‘normality’.
but im not.
im not now, nor have i ever been.