Image

unfucking thyself 101.99

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

99.

The other day I did a long shot of ‘the house I’d been waiting to photograph for like 5-6 years, and decided that that day was the day’ … yeah, well this is the same house, just up closer.

Why?

You’ll see :)

I spoke with my daughter last night. Not a nice conversation really … one of those gutt wrenching fuck with your sleep kinda talks. But this is how I chose to be as a parent … open and fucking honest. It goes both ways … I’ll be as brutally honest as I can, and I expect them to be brutally honest with Me.

Well my girl had grievances about my parenting. *groan*. Yah know its so much easier to have a standard that you don’t have to apply to yourself …

Any way …

My girl is a bit of a ‘late bloomer’ I guess. As in, her sister had vented and vexed most of her frustrations at Me by the time she was 18. My youngest is nearly 25 and she’s only dripped out a few morsels over the past 5 or so years but not too much … until last night. Yep, she had grievances … and they were all founded … all real … all horrible to hear …

What ripped my shit the most was hearing the pain in her voice as she cried. I hate hearing her hurt.

But I listened … and listened … and I wanted to justify myself … give the reasons for being a cunt of a person back then … but I listened, cos I knew she needed to be heard. And when she was done I didn’t apologise, or give justification and told her why I wasn’t giving either of those things … that she was right. That No parent including my blelf, was perfect and that if I could change my ‘mistakes’ or do better, I would … but it is what it is … and it was no slight on Her as a person … just Me, an adult, being a dick.

She got it and I know she felt relieved for being able to vent and be heard.

I felt better for her … but came away feeling like shit lol.

Oh the shit we go through … I would love to be able to say I did everything right … and that everything I experienced was just peachy too … but that aint the truth. It just seems that the older I get, the more I understand that there is No right way to Life … Not at all.

We’re all running around trying to minimise the damage somehow … when in all reality, sometimes theres beauty and growth in the damage. Not that I’m wishing for damage, for anyone … but we all call this shit ‘damage’, we see that shit as ‘being damaged’ … when really … it just is what it is.

Like this house :)

Would I clean it up if I could? No … cos then the photograph wouldn’t have that ‘thing’ to it that I like. Some would see ‘damage’ … I see worn, lived in, loved.

<3

Advertisements
Image

photography .50

#odeto #thecoffeebean #coffee #coffeebean #love #coffeelover #coffeeapreciation #bnw #bnwlove #bnwfeels #bnwmood #bnwphotography #macro #macros #minimalism #minimalistphotography #photo #photograph #photoblog #photography #kpm ©

Image

365 reasons to smile ~ 53.

53. Moko watching ‘Frozen’ for the 4th time 😆

LOL … #throwback Feb 22, 2016 … Frozen is out now … not sure what the ‘Movie’ of the week is now … last time I checked though she was rocking Coco <3

Image

photography .49

#mybackyard #photography #italian #parsley #herb #garden #nature #beauty #macro #macrolove #unfiltered #photoblog #photograph #kpm©

SaveSave

Image

365 reasons to smile ~ 52.

52. Story time with Koro – National Geographic! 😃

#throwback Feb 21, 2016 … lol she still enjoys a good story … and that pic though lol, taken on my crusty phone :)

Image

unfucking thyself 101.97

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

97.

Still celebrating the wins …

Funny … when you’re looking for them hard out they don’t seem to ever come. But when you’re just plodding along doing your thang, a lot of things seem to become a ‘Win’ ;)

Today we found out that we’ve got till the end of the year before our landlords put the house on the market.

On it’s own it sounds very unlike a Win lol. But it is … believe Me.

Last time a rental house we were living in got sold, it was an utter mess. We had only just settled in at the beach; I had just been diagnosed; my partner had just discovered a lump in his back and our landlords were fuckwitts lol. In hindsight though, there was no good time for any of that shit to happen! On a personal level though, it completely rattled my nerves having people come through the house whilst it was being sold … yah know, the whole intrusive buzz.

But this time round with this house, we’ve made a tentative plan, had a little freak out, had a little moan about it and then ‘actively’ relaxed. Because last time it worked out just fine … Not as I expected or in the timeframe I wanted … but it worked out. So this time, I didn’t see the point in getting my shit worked up about something I couldn’t change or do anything about.  We have lovely landlords, the kind that aren’t greedy or overbearing …  so they’ve partially renewed our faith in humanity lol, so thats another Win ;)

So we contacted them yesterday just to check to see where they’re at and if they’re still selling in June, and they told us they’d decided to wait till the end of the year. It would have been great to hear … ‘we’re not selling at all …’ but that didn’t happen … and it kinda feels like it’s time to move on …

But the Win Wins, are we don’t have to move Yet … which is cool because it’s turning out to be a busy fucking year … well for Me anyways. I feel like I’m just starting to get a handle on my shit and get some momentum going and it’d be nice to keep that going and not have to move as well … just yet. It also gives us abit of time to organise our shit better, figure out whether we want to stay in this town or move on, and save some money. Rents have sky rocketed round here … actually all over NZ really … like by nearly 50%, so we won’t get something for the amount we’re paying now; but I figure that just means we get to look at alternative options.

And in it all, I feel Ok.

Today I feel Ok.

Thats a Win … and I’ll take it :)

Image

photography .48

#bnw #bnwmood #bnwfeels #bnwlove #bnwphotography #mybackyard #mybeach #myview #mokos #mokolove #appreciating #lovinglife #photoblog #photograph #photo #photograhy #kpm ©

Image

photography .47

#mybackyard #photography #ocean #tangaroa #beach #sunset #sunsetting #dark #sky #ranginui #loveit #beauty #unfiltered #photoblog #photograph #kpm©

SaveSave