oooohhh, and then …

We went for a night drive …. which I haven’t done in like, forever 😆😆 …. living large lol

thank you for de-following … seriously

I’ve read other peeps posts on ‘losing’ ‘followers’ … interesting I thought … but at that time I was sporting a whopping 12 ‘followers’ … the thought of that alone is amusing … the following thing … anywho, i digress….

My blogging has never really had anything to do with followers, or likes, or stats, or traffic, or polite topics, or striking headings … it has always been to do with ME, my insides, my venting, my reconciling, my story, my response, my ‘growth’ … me, me, me lol.

However, I have ‘met’ some extremely beautiful individuals in my romp round blog land. The faithfuls, that laugh at my lameness, take the piss out of then un-piss-take-able things that crop up, that encourage, defend, bow in honour of … the peeps that keep coming back to say hi … and true to real life, there are only a handful of them. And thats the way I like it. Blog land has been a bonus because of these peeps.

The content of my blog though, hasn’t changed over the past year … but my delivery has.

I don’t really watch the followers button, or the numbers … i remember looking and it was at 12 … then a few months later it was at 90 something … a few months ago i think it was at like 120 something. Yesterday though, that little notification thingy popped up again (which I also tend to ignore…) with a little title thingy … “you have 186 followers” … cool i thought as i clicked the ‘get off my screen, your disturbing my flow’ button.

So, it did come as a little bit of a surprise when i logged in today, taking note of the follower thingy, and that 186 followers thingy had diminished quite dramatically. Now its probably happened before and I haven’t noticed … but today i took note.

And I wonder … were the followers that de-followed just following for numbers? … or were the followers that de-followed actually uptight assholes and didn’t like my references to cunts and assholes?? Or, were the followers that de-followed in disguise christian types, trolling the web for new recruits, and they just figured out I couldn’t be recruited…in this life time or the next??? Or maybe, like I have done in the past, they hit the de-follow button when they meant to hit the one next to it … the awesome button!!!


Were these belly button lint sniffers, the ones that don’t like sexual assault as a topic … not to discuss, not to ponder, not to take the piss out of … not to reflect on, not the reality of it or the discussion of it …

If that is the case,,,,

“Good move on your part … and a lighter load for me … 

Thanks a bunch 🙂 🙂

No, seriously … Thanks …. your exiting means the world to me :)”

1 year on …

It definitely doesn’t feel like a year since starting this particular ‘chapter’ of my awesome existence …. feels like yesterday when i was whining about not being able to get to the front gate let alone the shop without freaking out and having a meltdown of seismic proportions … ahhh the good old days.

Now, its the front seat of the car all the way to town…and back {hollah!} … and whining is usually only limited to something truly awful … like hanging out with the partner for faaarrrr to long … or having a particularly shit EMDR session … but even then … i’ve learned enough to know that if its been a rough EMDR, give it a couple weeks and there will be some kind of mindless improvement … weird, but true.

I’m still battling … and i haven’t completed figured out my reconciliation with this whole ptsd bullshit … but I am thoroughly pleased with myself (today) … and my progress (today) … and I can say that I look forward to seeing whats going to happen next 😉

was a gangster, once

didn’t give a fuck, like a gangster


rode low, lived high, like a gangster

a real gangster

made pain, empty promises

like a gangster, me dah gangster


now, living more like a pussy


but…for them?

help, please

please help


throwing it in dah air


anyone there

anyone home


for them, theres a


even a recog

nition, of said wave


my whoop




not even,

not even a


muscle twitch

so, how long

do I wave for