oooohhh, and then …

We went for a night drive …. which I haven’t done in like, forever 😆😆 …. living large lol
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thank you for de-following … seriously

I’ve read other peeps posts on ‘losing’ ‘followers’ … interesting I thought … but at that time I was sporting a whopping 12 ‘followers’ … the thought of that alone is amusing … the following thing … anywho, i digress….

My blogging has never really had anything to do with followers, or likes, or stats, or traffic, or polite topics, or striking headings … it has always been to do with ME, my insides, my venting, my reconciling, my story, my response, my ‘growth’ … me, me, me lol.

However, I have ‘met’ some extremely beautiful individuals in my romp round blog land. The faithfuls, that laugh at my lameness, take the piss out of then un-piss-take-able things that crop up, that encourage, defend, bow in honour of … the peeps that keep coming back to say hi … and true to real life, there are only a handful of them. And thats the way I like it. Blog land has been a bonus because of these peeps.

The content of my blog though, hasn’t changed over the past year … but my delivery has.

I don’t really watch the followers button, or the numbers … i remember looking and it was at 12 … then a few months later it was at 90 something … a few months ago i think it was at like 120 something. Yesterday though, that little notification thingy popped up again (which I also tend to ignore…) with a little title thingy … “you have 186 followers” … cool i thought as i clicked the ‘get off my screen, your disturbing my flow’ button.

So, it did come as a little bit of a surprise when i logged in today, taking note of the follower thingy, and that 186 followers thingy had diminished quite dramatically. Now its probably happened before and I haven’t noticed … but today i took note.

And I wonder … were the followers that de-followed just following for numbers? … or were the followers that de-followed actually uptight assholes and didn’t like my references to cunts and assholes?? Or, were the followers that de-followed in disguise christian types, trolling the web for new recruits, and they just figured out I couldn’t be recruited…in this life time or the next??? Or maybe, like I have done in the past, they hit the de-follow button when they meant to hit the one next to it … the awesome button!!!

OOOOORRRRR

Were these belly button lint sniffers, the ones that don’t like sexual assault as a topic … not to discuss, not to ponder, not to take the piss out of … not to reflect on, not the reality of it or the discussion of it …

If that is the case,,,,

“Good move on your part … and a lighter load for me … 

Thanks a bunch 🙂 🙂

No, seriously … Thanks …. your exiting means the world to me :)”

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365 reasons to smile ~ 89.

89: You don’t own me … boi! Don’t forget that! 😉

(ReQuest Dance Crew doing ‘You Don’t Own Me ~ Grace ft. G-Eazy, 2015)

uncomfortable shift…

I’ve watched

the uncomfortable

squirming in their seats

their skins

when I mention

ooooh

sexual assault

and

an even more uncomfortable shift

and

awkward silence

when that sexual assault

is of a child

…me.

It’s not like it comes up in conversation over lunch or anything

it’s usually pertaining to conversation about ME being me

,and why I am the way I am.

Now

I don’t apologize

or explain myself

to the ignorant

anymore.

..progress for me.

But if the conversation should shift

into some type of explanation to those that care

The uncomfortable shift,

is still felt and seen.

Now

I’m not sure why that is.

But I don’t care

like I used too.

1 year on …

It definitely doesn’t feel like a year since starting this particular ‘chapter’ of my awesome existence …. feels like yesterday when i was whining about not being able to get to the front gate let alone the shop without freaking out and having a meltdown of seismic proportions … ahhh the good old days.

Now, its the front seat of the car all the way to town…and back {hollah!} … and whining is usually only limited to something truly awful … like hanging out with the partner for faaarrrr to long … or having a particularly shit EMDR session … but even then … i’ve learned enough to know that if its been a rough EMDR, give it a couple weeks and there will be some kind of mindless improvement … weird, but true.

I’m still battling … and i haven’t completed figured out my reconciliation with this whole ptsd bullshit … but I am thoroughly pleased with myself (today) … and my progress (today) … and I can say that I look forward to seeing whats going to happen next 😉

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365 reasons to smile ~ 82.

82. Sound therapy – my new app 😄
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was a gangster, once

didn’t give a fuck, like a gangster

gangster

rode low, lived high, like a gangster

a real gangster

made pain, empty promises

like a gangster, me dah gangster

 

now, living more like a pussy

meow

but…for them?

help, please

please help

waving

throwing it in dah air

hell~o

anyone there

anyone home

anyone

for them, theres a

hollah

even a recog

nition, of said wave

but

my whoop

ing

hollah

ing

not even,

not even a

blink

muscle twitch

so, how long

do I wave for

before

I

give

up

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365 reasons to smile ~ 74.

74. 1 shot, soy, mocha … at a cafe! 😄
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that said

all I ever

ever

wanted

wanted

was the same

same

as you

you

the freedom

freedom

to choose

choose

make a choice

choice

like you do

do