As a general rule I don’t do private messaging or email contact. Theres a few sound reasons for this and whilst I don’t feel the need to give explanations, this little lesson, I thought would be more helpful Said, than left unsaid.
I’ve spoken previously about remaining anonymous which at it’s core had more to do with the perpetrators children and grandchildren not knowing what he is. He doesn’t have contact with them so at this stage they are safe. One day they will know, but at this stage of the game, it’s not necessary for them to know. But, I wouldn’t like them to find out through a Blog. That’s a face to face conversation that we’ll get to have at a later date.
The side reasons for remaining anonymous have to do with Safety.
This is also the reason for not engaging in private messaging or emails.
Now I’ve broken my own rules on 3 occasions. But that was after a very very long time of getting to know peeps on this platform. So far, I haven’t regretted breaking my rules.
So, the other week I received a comment on one of my posts. The post had to do with sexual assault, as a lot of them do. I usually welcome discussion on the topic. But this comment set my ‘alarm bells’ ringing.
It wasn’t so much what was said, but how it was said. And that in itself is a hard thing to describe. All I know, is when you’ve been ‘at this’ sexual assault topic for as long as I have, there is a certain familiar nauseous feeling that happens in the pit of your gutt, and you know something is ‘off’. Now by enlarge, we are trained to ignore our gutt instincts: not just sexual assault recipients, but society as a whole. We want proof, scientific proof preferably. But when I listen to my instincts, they have never failed Me.
So as I read this comment and my alarm bells were going off, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was that was making Me uneasy. I checked the email address of the comment-ter, and while it was definitely odd and couldn’t be tracked easily, it still left no definite proof that what I was feeling was right.
Instead of answering their question, which was inadvertently asking for ‘more details’ of the assault in a round about way – I asked them what we’re usually told is ‘rude’ to ask, and that is ‘Why do you want details?’.
Note: sometimes the most obvious remedy is the most obvious remedy.
I did this for 2 reasons.
- If the question they were posing, was indeed ‘innocent’ and possibly ‘lost in translation’, then a further explanation should clear that up.
- If the question they were posing, wasn’t innocent, then their answer would probably be complimentary and evasive.
The reply I got was the latter.
While compliments are nice to receive and are usually innocent and meant with the best intentions; there are those that use them as a grooming tactic. By way of nice words they are trying to feed what they believe we lack – self-esteem; and are trying to form a bond with us.
The reply I got, complimented my astute awareness of ‘safety’ and anonymity. It then went into how they too believed in such things. Then they asked that I flag those things for the good of ‘information sharing’.
I made it clear that I wouldn’t be doing that. I advised them to go to the front ‘about & disclaimer page’ to read what this blog was about. They did. They then decided that that front page had answered all their questions and ‘thank you for your time’.
Now, whilst appearing reasonably innocent, this is not your average troll.
This is a troll looking for specific information. Details.
And trolls who are looking for details only have a couple of motives.
I believe this troll was the latter.
So the purpose of this post?
Be careful. Not just on this platform, but also in the real world and other social media platforms.
Always ask questions and always listen to your gutt.
We are not un-trusting suspicious feminists for asking questions. We don’t need compliments for approval. We certainly don’t need more freaks prying into our lives.