Happy VD ;)



366 reasons to smile ~ +45.

+45. Just remember folks … everyone needs friends, especially on Valentines Day!

To appreciate this whole experience you really need to listen to the theme song music, whilst embracing the visual theme 🙂

Your welcome 🙂


responding #2 ~ oh, they say …

light hearted ‘banter’

… tell me is that the same as

light hearted assault?


light hearted rape?


Very different things?

And we have named this

light hearted banter,

‘casual racism’.

Now that must be the same


casual assault

casual rape

if there is such a thing


casual racism.

ponder that.


Ok, heres another mish …


After minimally participating in the womans art collective last year, and finding that it’s actually pretty fucking difficult to create art to do with sexual assault. And then discovering that I actually have quite a difficult time ‘responding’ to all things sexual assault related. Yes, believe it or not, this is true.

Why, I wondered.

Because, dumb ass … it fucks Me off.

And like the responding I have done over the last year, related to Racism, responding is a response; anger is a response; just as hurt and disbelief are responses.

So this next lot of ‘responses’ are sexual assault related. pts(d) is what I live with, and what I am trying to reconcile – because of having been sexually assaulted as an infant. That almost seems easier than anything sexually assault related … Until I realised, that they are one in the same. It is another branch off’ve the same tree.

And how have I been dealing with those? With my blunt ass truth of course.

I’ve been able to ‘describe’ what pts(d) feels like through my ‘expression’ photos, and that has been hugely cathartic.

But this … well I’m not sure how it’ll shape up – but it’s bound to be messy and confronting; raw and angry. However it ends up, the purpose is to Respond to sexual assault, and sexual assault of infants particularly, in the first instance. Whatever tumbles out, is what tumbles out, with the view to; little by little, chipping away at what lays beneath the surface.

Some days it’ll be writing or poetry (like it is already); some days music; some days articles from other sources; some days memories; some days pictures.

But this will be focussed rage.

It needs an out … and to forewarn, I will not be apologising for any of it.

Welcome to another segment of my hikoi (journey).


a c t i v i s m ~ Freedom Response

There is no ‘right way’ to be a slave ~ Chicken George ~ Roots.

Source: a c t i v i s m ~ Freedom Response


The Crown ‘apologises’ …

I found this in my News Feed last night …’s-land

This was my response:

So the Crown gave it ALL back did they?? !!
Heres the thing. I taught my kids to not take (steal) what doesn’t belong to them. Whether that be property or mana. Apologizing is one thing, compensation is another (and by my calculations 100 mil is chump change), but that’s not where it should be left. 30 years its taken to sort the fine print and by wearing a niggah down they were able to make a bad deal look good.
Not to mention the blatant obviousness of the whole thing … When you steal something, you give it back! Otherwise your apology and compensation is all shit!!! And apart from an apology what punishment is there for stealing and then keeping that stolen item for 150 years??
I mean, in the history of The English judicial system, has any thief admitted to theft and after being ordered to apologise and compensate for damages, they aren’t penalized and allowed to keep the item they stole???!!!!
Sorry, its not right and never will be. What are you supposed to teach your kids with a straight face and clear conscience? That youll be fucked up the ass when your too tired to fight or when the price is right??? Fucks sakes …

Not a very polite response, and one my family is ‘actively ignoring’ at present. This is one of my Iwi. I didn’t sign the ‘Treaty’ deal update as I believe it to be a crock of shit. No, I don’t trust the Crown or any apology or compensation they give. They have never done right by tangata whenua and I don’t believe they have started now.

This shit is the shit that fucks me off!!!


yes, *groan* another racism rant…from the ‘coloured’ perspective

It’s completely in our faces at the moment, and I know this is a good thing … as in it’s getting talked about. But Oh My Fuck, it is wearying!

Yesterday was a tough day on Facebook … LOL, I know; 1st world problems!. But the thing with Facebook, and other social media mechanisms; is while they are brilliant for information sharing; for networking etc; that doesn’t mean its just the ‘enlightened’ that get to share their info / findings with like-minded peeps.

The ‘racists’ are using the same tool also. And again, Oh My Fuck …

I guess, it means we, meaning the entire social media universe, gets to hear / see the bullshit these pricks have been spilling for generations … but only to the coloured folks and amongst their like-minded ignoramus fuckwit KKK mates.

However, they seem to have employed a couple of old school tactics and twisted them quite impressively with a PC tone, to validate their airhead theories and introduce them into the conversation.

Heres a couple of the latest:

“Racism is a perception … you are obviously not ‘free’ in your mind and are still tied to the ‘theory’ that is racism”

“Racism is a tool of Marxism and mind control”

“I worked with the Indigenous and there are some good ones (indigenous that is). The rest just don’t  know how to act properly”

“If you obey the law then you won’t have to worry about being shot”

*Now as a side-ish note – I don’t dislike / hate white people, in fact, some of my best friends are white! (hahaha) … seriously though; there are hateful fuckwits everywhere, some of them pale some of them non-pale … I think though, whats happening at the moment within the Indigenous / Black communities / cultures, is IN RESPONSE to a fuckload of years of pent-up frustration … it is IN RESPONSE to grief … it is IN RESPONSE to the fuckload of years of brutality that we and our ancestors have endured … it is IN RESPONSE to feeling powerless … it is IN RESPONSE to trying to integrate and remain co-sure and it failing miserably … it is ALL IN RESPONSE … it is our response … and however that looks to those that are not responding is really beside the point … it has never been about YOU … you are able to adjust your perceptions / learn … it is about the sins of your fathers and their fathers and the mess they left behind. It is about being tired of grieving and carrying that grief. It is about being tired full stop … it is about wondering when the hell its going to actually change and if all ‘our’ ‘work’ actually has made a difference at all … because right now I’ll be fucked if I actually know!*


So, in the last couple days, I’ve been punching hard, at the ignorance … at the ‘theories’ … I’ve been trying gently, and at times, not so gently … to educate.

It occurred to me though, whilst taking a dump this morning; that all my responses are similar to those that I’ve had, or did, employ to respond to fuckwits that thought, and said, I should ‘get over’, ‘move on’, ‘stop whinging’ about being sexual assaulted as an infant. AY! God forbid I don’t have a reason to be fucking annoyed about that! Grrrr.

So this ‘racism process’ and the responding is shaping up to be a somewhat familiar replay… on a personal level.

I’ve gone through all my usual discussions with them…the ignorant.

I’ve begged and pleaded for them to understand … for them to understand where it is I’m coming from … to walk a fraction of a fucking mile in my shoes and feel what it’s like. But they don’t want to … for whatever reasons.

So how do I, “I”, continue on so the grief and the frustration of the whole fucking thing doesn’t completely consume ME?

Do I keep trying to educate? Do I ignore it? Not look at any of it? Do I slump into a state of despair and relaxing ignorance???

It kind of sounds nice …


The thing is, if I didn’t want to respond to ignorant assholes about being sexually assaulted as an infant, I just didn’t tell them. Or don’t tell them. On a particularly hard day, I don’t tell peeps I feel anxious or am having a panic attack because I feel trapped … No, I just tell them I have a contagious virus and they need to stay away. I tell them I’m busy. I tell them I’ve got a really bad period this month and am bleeding like a stuck pig. Any of those excuses are reason enough for them to stay away and NOT ask more questions.


I can’t lie or make excuses about their perception of me being BROWN, of COLOUR, a NIGGER, a BLACK BITCH, a DIRTY MAORI …. I can’t change my skin pigmentation! So there is NO escaping it … ever. I can be ‘enlightened’; feel ‘free in the mind’; study Marxism and understand their theories; I can learn to live in their world … but I cannot change my skin colour and another’s perceptions that come with them seeing that skin colour.

I can be comfortable in my own skin and I can respond, or not, to the ignorance that is perpetuated on ME and ‘my kind’ everyday. But does that change ‘their’ perception of me?

You see, saying that we are under some sort of Marxist mind control and we are not ‘free’ from racism, is like telling someone with no legs, inhabiting a wheelchair, that they are not ‘free’ from their ‘disability’ and are ‘victims’ of their situation –  because they are under a Marxist mind control system and if they just ‘free’ themselves of all the negativity they themselves will be ‘free’!.

Guess what though fuckwits … It won’t grow their legs back will it? Because at the end of the day, ‘free’ or not, they will still be in a fucking wheelchair with no fucking legs and having to listen to the bullshit fucking rhetoric espoused by some fuckwit with fucking legs!

Its blaming the dude for having no legs and then condemning any response he may have toward the ignorance being dished out at him.

That is Bullshit.

I don’t know what to do about it all … venting is a start, thank fuck for blogging!

But then what??

Do I continue to teach the mokos that this is what their reality is? That there are ignorant fuckwits everywhere … that if they are accosted by the poupou, they need to comply …. that only if the environment is ‘safe’, they should speak out …

My tipuna (ancestors), going back close to 100 years ago; taught their children to NOT speak their language in schools or to anyone else who was pale skinned or in authority … to blend … to be as pakeha (white) as possible …

I always wondered WHY … now I get it.

They were preserving their future generations the only way they knew how. They were protecting them. They were ensuring their god dam survival.

I don’t want to do that … but I am thinking that maybe I need too!!!. Is the world really still that demented and twisted???


feeling a tad lost …

As I’ve said over the last few weeks … its been a bit of a head fuck. But that’s not new really … it’s the ups and downs of life i guess.

The whole racism thing is getting to my spirit and even though i respond as i need to … it has a depleting effect … ‘powerlessness’ i think it is. It feels like your pushing runny shit up hill with a fork!

But this also is nothing new. I’ve been responding to my experiences, ethnicity included, for a long while now and some days i feel victorious; others, not so much.

I wonder sometimes, how much can one set of beings tolerate before it becomes completely intolerable?

to be white for a day

to be white for a day…

k p m ©

If I was white for the day …

what would I do with my whiteness,

you ask.

Probably not what you think.

I’d go to that little boutique,

the one that has absolutely gorgeous couture.

I’d and browse.

I know I wouldn’t be followed –

being white.

Then I’d go to the bank

and browse the credit card pamphlets

at my leisure,

I know no-one would tell me

I need a job for one of those,

or ask the security guard to stand next to me –

being white.

Then I’d go to that little french patisserie place

with the croissants that have chocolate in them

and I’d buy a dozen of them.

I know they wouldn’t look at my hips

or ask me not to touch the food in the cabinet

or ask me how I intend on paying for those –

being white.

And then I’d apply for…

View original post 110 more words

365 reasons to smile ~ 110.

110. Tim Wise on racism … dude breaks it down perfectly 😉