access.

Ruminating on this for a long while but hadn’t quite put all the pieces together.
Watched a couple igtvs that resounded my internals and been reading similar shit for ages ..
Gist is ..
The only ‘body’ that should have complete access to me, in totality .. is Me.
Noone, nothing else.
Even a hoe gets paid.
Having complete access without consent is otherwisely called .. rape.

& letting that shit ruminate …


kpm©


another shift ..

2-3 aug 2020.

this isn’t pleasant .. thats my version of a trigger warning i spose. & i’ve dictated it in very short unedited terms.

it is what it is :


dream.

had period, bleeding heavy.

was in pjs, got up to go to bathroom to get a pad.

felt ‘presence’, not seen physical person though – biggish presence – hurried. threatening. looming presence.

felt behind / to side of me first.

knew it was coming, turned head to see no one.

grabbed my arms.

my pants started to come down and blood was dripping.

i was turning my head to see where i was being moved / directed too.

bedroom.

not sure whose.

bed – pushed forcefully down.

they were quiet but the presence was ‘strong’.

they’d pinned my arms.

their weight was heavy on me & i couldn’t move.

i knew there were people around.

the thought occurred to me that i didn’t want to disturb the other people but decided it was my only chance to get this thing away.

as they lifted their arms to rip my top open which they did, and they grabbed both breasts in their hands forcefully, i felt scared.

with that feeling i opened my mouth and throat to scream.

while they were distracted.

the scream started off small and i forced it to be bigger and bigger and louder.

enough to scare the presence.

enough to wake me up.

i woke up semi screaming yelling.

frozen-ish ..

but calm & pleased.

its a shift.

.

no-one heard me. noone woke up.

.

.


kpm©


 

theres a difference between anxiety & pts(d).

just like theres a difference between an adult rape & ongoing child sexual assault / rape.

it doesn’t heighten or diminish either.

but they are different.

& they need to be ‘treated’ as such.


kpm ©


 

drugs for the pain.

i remember my uterus screaming @ me.

it should’a been screaming @ you yah cunt.


kpm ©


 

a child prostitute

How is that even a thing,

I wonder.

As I watch them come and go.

I see their ‘baby on board’ stickers

In their rear windows.

And who do they pick up?

You look no more than eleven.

Are you eleven,

or younger?

I feel disgust for those leeches.

Those scum infested bastards.

But you leave with them,

And return in 10 minutes.

How is it that you have to be here?

Why do you go with them?

Yes I know the answer.

But all the answer does not lie with you.

They said on the News;

“What should we be doing about the child prostitution issue”.

It’s an issue?

No,

it’s a fucking abomination!

A shame on this nation!

A child,

a prostitute.

Your ‘clients’ are rapist pigs.

They are not clients.

Your job is not a job.

It isn’t a well thought out career pathway.

It’s cunty pedos cashing in on your silence.

Your need.

Your vulnerability.

I hate them for you!!

I told you so,

When you wouldn’t come with me.

I told you so,

As you huffed your poison and rolled your little eyes.

I told you I would hate them for you,

And I do!

I’ll fix it if it takes me forever

I’ll fix it.

So you can braid your hair

And get your nails did

So you can eat your lunch at school

And you can sleep between Dora Explorer sheets.

I’ll fix it

I’ll keep hating them

Until I fix it.


kpm ©


 

Image

what i learnt from the girl with the dragon tattoo movie.

i was reading a fellow bloggers post the other day, on horror movies and mental health. the gist i got was, do horror movies assist with mental health issues or have the opposite. and of course everyone is different.

it got me thinking though. as it does.

i’ve written about ‘the girl with the dragon tattoo’ a few times throughout my blog and specifically made reference to the retaliatory rape scene. but there are lots of points throughout the movie that i’ve watched and rewatched and when i need a reminder of who and what i am, i watch again.

the main actress, lisbeth (movie name) is what they call in the movie, ‘different in every way’. this i can relate too. with a life that is befitting its very own horror movie, she is resilient and resourceful to name but a few qualities i admire. whilst the status quo would deem her outworking of said qualities, as a little dubious to say the least; i find every inch of her reactions, measured, stealth and wholly fitting as a answer to the madness done to her.

it poses for me a question however.

why is it, that our society sees a retaliatory action to rape and abuse, especially from a female, as being OTT and angry when every little piece of the reaction is warranted in every way?

are we afraid of women that are angry?

are we afraid of their retaliation to the things that they suffer?

i think we are.

which leads me to believe that those that abuse know exactly the harm that they are causing.

and if this is the case, why aren’t we concerned about those that do the harming instead of those that react to the harm caused to them?

is it easier to be concerned, or reprimand a dignified reaction, than it is to stop those that cause the harm?

i think it is.

throughout this movie there are multiple occasions where the brilliance and resilience are mind blowing really. personally i think it should be a ‘how-to’ movie for children. we teach our children generally, to be trusting and caring and to not ask to many questions or retaliate or to be angry. but we forget to teach them to trust their instincts and not to just trust willy-nilly. trust is earned and the gutt will always let us know whether a person is worthy of that trust or not.

anyway. just my thoughts. take from it what you will.

thats it.


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

Image

teach enlightenment

Found this in my news feed today … it should be reasonably self-explanatory.

It’s a stark reminder of just how shit our perceptions can be, and why rape is even still a concept in this day and age.

13015669_600698336751780_8762196098744437380_n

Remember:

  • You may be ‘enlightened’, but there are plenty of fuckwits that aren’t. Always be watchful. 
  • Trust your gut. If it says it’s strange, then it is.
  • ‘No’ is enough of a statement; it needs no explanation.

fyi: not my meme.


kpm ©


 

Link

By All Means, Be Your True, Authentic Self. Unless That’s a Rapist.

#feminism #rapeculture #reframing #redefining

A most excellent and straight to the point article by Shannon @ https://transwidow.wordpress.com. Just how I like them <3

ever been ..

intellectually

raped?

yep,

it

feels

similar

to

the

generic

model.


kpm ©


 

the preference is…

‘they’ prefer my response be more

technical

rather than literal.

figurative

rather than literal.

but literal

is what you are.

pathetic is what you

exude.

for you to die

quietly

would be

a

shame.

the preference

is for

you

to die,

with

the same

amount of

fear

as you have

inflicted.

thats my technical and literal

preference.


kpm©


 

they say …

you’ve named ‘casual racism’: ‘light hearted banter’.

tell me, is that the same as light hearted rape?


kpm ©


 

Link

heroine.

I love the idea of taking this piss out of what is bizarrely become the ‘untalkable’ – like, the sexual assault of infants … in fact, sexual assault in general.

And the woman in this article is a comedian whose material includes taking the piss out of rapists. She does most of her standup routine butt naked except for a jacket and shoes, and the reason? To make the audience uncomfortable but open to material she presents which includes confronting misogyny, sexism, societal values and norms regarding gender, women and children.

Excerpt – “The thing is, Truscott’s show is actually funny. She has used her satirical monologues to expose the warped logic that men have when it comes to rape. “The way we talk about rape, the way we think about rape and how much of the focus was always on the victim,” Truscott told me. “I just thought this is actually really fucking ripe for satire to point out how fucking stupid you have to be to think that it takes a halter top and a miniskirt for someone to be raped. So, I was just starting to go I wonder if that would be a super cheeky, sneaky smart way to trick a room full of people into listening to an hour of turning this logic on its head.”


kpm ©


 

my response on how we are reporting about sexual assault in the media

Via Facebook & edit:

Acknowledging a little girls survival <3 I should have done that first, apologies. Children survive in so many ways, they shouldn’t have too, but they do. To her brilliance and strength xxoo

Ok, this is going to be a long response to this article about a child who was raped by a man.

I absolutely abhor this shit. It is my archillies heel, so to speak. And I know enough about it to have both an impassioned viewed and an educated view.

Heres my beef on how the article is written:

1.”A Northland man high on methamphetamine raped a 3-year-old girl.” –
What, as opposed to a man whose not high on meth?
The proclivity to rape a child is already present. Meth is not the reason; meth is not the excuse. Our ‘systems’ need to stop using it as a reason and an excuse.
2. “His offending only came to light after a doctor confirmed the young child had contracted a sexually transmitted disease.”
What, because no-one noticed that a 3-year-old had been raped otherwise? It would have been/should have been quite noticeable! You don’t get to penetrate a small child and not have some type of outward damage. So this child was checked for damage and STIs? That in itself is traumatic.
3. “The man was invited to stay in the girl’s home but repaid the family’s kindness by raping the girl, Judge Duncan Harvey said.”
Little lesson I live by – Vet the people you invite into your home, especially if you have children. Thats not to say that the family was ignorant; but rule of thumb; I’d rather be unkind than have to kill you for hurting my child.
4. “He was sentenced to nine years and nine months’ jail and given a minimum non-parole period of five years.”
This pathetic. But this is The Crowns fault. Legislation is what it is. A judge can’t make a random decision to lock someone up for a trillion years just because what they did was horrible. Legislation needs to change for sentencing to change. I believe in capital punishment for these types of fuckers; but we don’t do that in New Zealand anymore. For that to change, legislation must change.
5. “In a pre-sentence report the man said he had been “amped up on meth and couldn’t remember anything” when he raped the girl.”
Thats is a typical pedophile excuse. Its not an excuse we should even be listening to anymore, let alone putting in any official report.
6. “Given her age there was nothing she could have possibly done to resist you. You raped this little girl when you knew you had an STD and you just didn’t care,” Judge Harvey said.”
But raping without an STI is ok? Really, what are we saying here?

How we report and how we notify and how we sentence says more about us, as in our Country’s, inability to operate effectively in regards to this type of crime. We like to excuse, be it ever so slightly, a perpetrators actions. Whether that is in our wording, or the sentencing….and we disregard a victim. Whether its because we can’t wrap our heads around the perpetrators sickness or it makes us feel uncomfortable. It is really beside the point. His actions are his. He has the sickness. The child was the recipient of his sickness.

How in the world did we come to believe that this type of behaviour is alright? We can all do a little haka about it, and say we don’t think its OK … but we all allow it in one way or another. Whether that be by not speaking out about old school offenders and offences … people that appear inappropriate but no-one wants to say anything… family members that do this shit on a regular basis, but again, no-one wants to say anything. We all allow it to happen.

Aside from legislation changing, our view on the right a child has to safety, also has to change. Dramatically.
Our view on what we do with perpetrators also needs to change. Dramatically.

This little darling is going to need a shitload of love and support and medical care…as is her family.

His sickness was already there … and this little darling was an opportunity.

Lesson for all: Lessen the opportunities these fuckers have.


kpm ©


 

dear dude in the dress

You won’t remember me, you were more wasted than I was

Somehow I remember you though

You gave me that, are you gonna fuck with me?, look

After you came out of the toilet stall, and we collided at the basins

Having trouble standing, leaning, looking

I wore sneakers and you wore six-inch stilettos

I had just finished throwing up, you were applying lipstick

Both trying to pretend we were alright

I tried smiling, so did you

You had a penis you said, so which toilet do you choose?

You’d stood outside for ages, waiting for everyone to leave

Last time you used the mens, they raped and beat you

Even though they had penis’s too

You couldn’t walk or talk for weeks

I nodded, I understood, but I couldn’t explain

I complimented you on your dress and the legs I wished I had

Then you wobbled off, and so did I

I didn’t get to say

That ignorance raped you and ignorance beat you

It does that

But that I admired your courage and strength

To be who you are, still

To be that dude in the dress

And not give a flying fuck


kpm ©