this time i’ve refused to do it.
those that have been watching / listening me on my waka for sometime, will know the shit that pisses me, that fills me, that recharges me .. the process that i do to get me from one place to another .. practically & spiritually. most of the time, they go hand in hand.
this time is no different.
the beginning of the gregorian year, saw me make a decision to take on ACC in a new way .. with a lawyer.
they’re tiring cunts, for real. & i knew i was tired. tired of fighting, repeating, adjusting & re-doing.
my beef with them has been for the basics & ongoing for nearly a decade in one way or another.
the review for their shit ass decision to decline my shit was due in march 2020. prior to that i employed the lawyer.
an affidavit was written up, documenting the filth i endured from 3 – 18 years of age, because this was the timeframe that was ‘up for review’.
then i went to see a shrink .. yep another one .. for an ‘unbiased’ opinion .. meaning, it wasnt an ACC shrink.
with i’s dotted & t’s crossed, we were ready for review.
in the meantime the lawyer was also in discussions about ‘outcome’.
Then NZ, in response to the covid situation, went into full lockdown for nearly 6 weeks.
during that time ACC decided to reverse their initial decision.
so technically it was a win.
that was in march.
we are now in june.
the lawyer is off the books so to speak because their is no review to pursue.
i have heard from ACC twice.
they’re going back to the drawing board, i’m filling in more consent forms so they can ‘gather pertinent information’.
another words, i get to wait .. again.
without answers. without the basics.
this is the baseline for Me.
then add to that, the covid situation, which hasn’t gone away btw, its just been down graded. *eye ball roll* yes, there are folks that have lost their businesses, their livelihoods .. theres a tonne of information seeping out about how many lost their lives, were victims of prolonged domestic violence .. right over to the laws that have been adjusted so the police can now enter out homes without warrant if it is suspected that none is jepodising the ‘covid rules’ .. what are those exactly? well im not sure anyone actually knows any more.
& then, to top that off, our police have recently been armed.
let me leave that one there.
we are now in june 2020.
& there is a revolution / uprising happening.
it is long overdue.
but its price is high.
the lives that have been lost along the way .. the life that was brutally taken & filmed for all to see .. has become the catalyst for ‘change’.
i am fully down with the change that is happening.
im not down with the cost that its come at, when all ‘they’ had to do, was listen to what black people had been saying / protesting / screaming, for YEARS. hundreds of YEARS.
for me, my soul grieves.
it just grieves. i dont know how else to frame it up.
i think anyone of colour can feel that.
& then theres the fuckery that follows.
peeps be ‘waking up’ slowly & painfully .. & honestly, i cant watch.
i am tired of waiting.
& that is just me, on this side of the world, with all of my own self fish shit thats happening & my own issues .. i am tired.
i have empathy. but i can not know what it truely means to ‘be that’ feels. not like this.
i so i stand in solidarity … completely & totally.
i watch & wait.
support where i can.
share what i can.
this is a time of complete & entire change.
& like i said, it is long overdue.
im kinda cringing to see what happens next. i’ve lost friends during this time, not that i had a lot to begin with lol. but those i had thought were pretty good on the racism front .. turns out, were really good at covering it up.
my decision to cut them off wasnt hard.
i dont grieve for that loss.
its all way overdue.