ohhh she’s been a rough week … well, not rough … more like maniac then calm …. hmm
Interesting though, mapping it out over the week and seeing its ebbs and flows … I’m still hell’ah uncertain about the differentiation between what it is actual ‘menopause’ and what is anxiety / panic ; unwell ; period … and I ate something that doesn’t agree with Me … if you get my feels.
Some of it I know is due to being an unfeeling cold hearted bitch for most of my life aka disassociated … and some of it is just New.
And then I got to thinking that maybe I’d be better rolling with the thought that it all is OK and all is part of the Whole, and it really doesn’t matter if its the hormones, of the pork I ate, or just a bad ass day. I mean really … who gives a shit … it all still feels pretty much the same and is all pretty fixed by 1 of 3 things …
- alcohol (drugs … whatever works)
- ripping shit up
Except the hot flushes … fuck my life … those are some bastards alright!
So what I noticed this week, was my period (and all it’s biologically womanly glory arrgghhh) finished on one day … 5 days later I was still drained as fuck … like I’d been sucked dry by a vampire. By day 6 I felt ‘Normal’ … as in:
- Shit – check
- Eat – check
- Not to hot – check
- Not fluster fucked – check
- Not dizzy – check
You get my drift.
1 day of that.
1 motherfucking day!
Then I was back to hot as fuck, faint as fuck, dizzy as fuck …
Positive? I got a day of rest … just like Jesus ;)
#meme is a cartoon pic of a biological woman in her bra and undies, looking extremely hot and flustered, spraying herself with a bottle of water.
The caption reads: Menopause means never having to say you’re chilly!
So, just because the hormones be thinking its a good idea to bake and eat half a plate of chocolate chip cookies, doesn’t mean that it’s an ‘actual’ good idea *she says to herself whilst itching like fuckery and downing a couple antihistamines*.
Beginning to see that this hormone thing is like an alternate evil personality thats sitting on my shoulder, so to speak, just barking out orders that seem reasonably plausible at the time.
I have lulled the hormones into a state of meditative calm
with the promise of croissants, chocolate and coffee.
If that doesn’t work,
they shalt be lulled into a state of medicated calm.
That works too.
Merry Christmas Peeps.
random fits of crying followed by a large slathering of rage followed even closer by a few pinches of punctuated home truths …
and you got yo’self some serious waves of menopause …
i’mma riding this bitch …
Oh fuck yes!
I was talking to an old friend of mine, who like Me, has grown up kids and is now looking down the barrel of the big M … and like Me, she’s noticed a little bit of a shift in the equation: The We aren’t as mad as we all thought … Just Extremely Fucked Off and fed up to ^ here with Patriarchy!
“The older I get, the more I see how women are described as having gone mad, when what they’ve actually become is knowledgeable and powerful and fucking furious.”
– Sophie Heawood
Me and Me hormones and Me feng shui today <3
#meme (poem) reads:
I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand.
I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am Okay.
Sometimes, this is my busy – and I will not apologise for it.
By B Oakman – titled “Anxiety Doesn’t Knock First”.
is bloating normal?
cos I look like I’m 6 months pregnant;
and isn’t that kinda
is it supposed to feel like
is being pulled
through your asshole
in a slow,
freddy krueger like fashion??