I drove the Car today!
All by my fucking self!!!
I know right … I am very pleased with myself :)
I was going to a friends house today for a coffee and a catch up, which on its own was a huge fucking deal. My mate was ready for my nerves etc and was so good to Me … she made her home (her home!) as comfortable as she thought I’d need … soothing music, lighting and neutral, calming smells!
I so appreciated that! I haven’t had any one do that for Me for … for like, ever!! xo
I was a little nervous about going … but thats Me ay ….
And just before I was due to leave my partner says “you driving there?” … which I think was a bit of a piss take … and I thought about it and said … “Yes”.
And the rest is history.
Yes, it was only a few minutes away, but I haven’t driven by myself for over 5 years!!
I cried all the way from our driveway to hers lol. Not because I was upset but because I was doing it!!! It felt extremely fucking liberating! Not quite ready for the open road, but today I am taking the wins that I have!!!
This is Me in my mates driveway and the picture is terrible cos I was shaking and crying lol … good shaking and good crying though. When I got to the front door I was still in tears … I was happy and proud and happy lol … happy to be there … be cared about and feel fucking ‘normal’ … well My #NewNormal anyway xoxo
kpm ©: ig @kpm-artist
Its been a couple of brilliant days, full on days. Trying to keep to my therapeutic (Blah blah) schedule ;)
I managed a slow walk to the beach, beepers and stick in hand, music for my ears. I got there, enjoyed the sand and sun, even a couple of strangers strolling by didn’t seem to bother me too much. Nice I thought :)
Heading off home…the heart started to speed up and the vision started going abit blurry – tried really hard to notice what was changing in my thoughts…head. Noticed I had sped up…I obviously wanted to get home and was finished with all the wonderful sightseeing, therapeutic bullshit…I was over it…really. So instead of speeding up more…which is what I usually do…freaking myself out in the process…I slowed down, breathed slower. Then stopped. Had a little chat to myself..which went abit like…
“righteo dick…if you speed up your gonna set yourself into a panic…you cant make this walk any shorter unless you’ve turned into a super fit athlete overnight and didn’t fill me in on it? No…so you are gonna have to slow down…if you happen to pass out I’m pretty sure someone will pick you up…you won’t be out here too long…but if you slow down, breath….you might just actually enjoy what’s around you…stop squinting at everything, your making it worse…focus on one thing…breath then move on to the next…we’ll do that the whole way home…right…lets go”
I got home, in one piece, took a nice little triumphant selfie and posted it on my fb page ;)