sensitives.

I come from a family of ‘sensitives’ … sensitive skin, sensitive tummy, sensitive hearing, sensitive taste … Just sensitive all round.

And then theres the ‘other’ sensitive. The one ‘they’d’ medicate or lock you up for, if you talked about it ‘out loud’.

It’s the sensitive that see’s whats supposedly not there. That hear’s whats supposedly inaudible. That can smell subtleties that no-one else can smell. That can sense what ‘isn’t’ there.

Is this such a strange phenomenon for Indigenous? No. It’s not. And prior to the Tohunga Suppression Act of 1907, the sensitivity I’m talking about was called matakite.  For mainstream though, it’s something they don’t understand and fuck up, whilst they try and understand it or distinguish it.

I always had trouble distinguishing between my dreams and nightmares and what was actually present. Both freaked Me out. And when my eldest daughter came along, and she could sense similar things, I also freaked out. Some of this was to do with the christian belief that everything that couldn’t be seen with your physical eyes, was evil; or there was something inherently evil about the ‘see-er’.

When my 2nd daughter came along, her ‘sixth sense’ about things was quite ‘organic’ and natural. It didn’t seem freaky or mystical so to speak. It just seemed normal.

By the time my mokos came along, we were all beginning to embrace what we were as pretty normal, even though we didn’t fully understand it. Moko #1 senses what isn’t seen and whats not spoken. Moko #2, can smell whats not there; she can also understand whats ‘not spoken’. Moko #3 can hear the almost inaudible; and can also see your motive; she can also sense your pain. Moko #4 can hear your motive.

And Me. Well I’m still working out the difference between whats a sensitivity and whats pts(d). But I know whats a dream now, and what isn’t. I know now, when to ask my tipuna (ancestors) for assistance and advice.

What I like the most … is that my mokos won’t struggle with all of this like I did, or like my daughter did. For them, its natural, and they’re learning how to make it work for them.


kpm ©


 

ear plug update:

Yep, they semi-worked good.

Not as good as the drugs though.

#JS


kpm ©


 

Image

todays experiment …

I’ve bleated on about my super duper sensitive hearing many times before on this blog. This is kind of one of those … but not really ;)

Pts(d) and all its glory … means that my hearing has alerted Me to ‘danger’ and has also been the trigger for my adrenaline to start pumping. Yah. It’s a continuous battle between ‘over-hearing’ and not hearing at all. It’s always seemed necessary to hear, so I am alerted to some impending doom and can therefore respond … and Not being able to hear, like over certain loud noises etc, has also sent Me into a panic fuck at times … because I can’t hear. Grrr.

Well the other day I HAD to go to the shop … theres no other cunt here and I needed smokes … yes I know … the shit you’ll go to the shop for!!

So I drugged up … of course … and still felt panicky as fuck. I had my usuals … sunglasses, orange, my stick, my music etc, and was feeling like a super retard but didn’t particularly give a flying fuck (thanks to the drugs :) ) … but I was still floating on a level 6 panic fuck.

I decided to ring my daughter for moral support … cos that might help … according to one of those self help manual thingees. And she was lovely and it helped … sort of … I got off the phone and was at a 4 – 4 1/2 maybe. But still not confident about being out in the big wide world … *rolling my eyeballs here … theres nothing like reviewing shit after the fact argh ….*

Somewhere in there it occurred to Me to put my ear plugs in.

Well … my fuck …

Everything dropped into near silence … including my insides.

At a semi confident 1 – 1 1/2, I set off to the shop.

No fucking sweat!!!

OMFG … why hadn’t I done this earlier in my life???

So, just in case it was a fluke, I am experimenting with these puppies today to see if it decreases the anxiety ~ panic fuck!!

So far I’ve missed one phone call and all the noise coming from the neighbours thumping around. I can still hear D’Angelo playing off’ve my computer (yes, super duper hearing) … but all the other ‘white noise’ or background noise is cut out!

Because I usually get jumpy when Not being able to hear, I had to do a little assessment of what was better at this time … what I could deal with.

My doors are locked … I have weapons in case of surprise attack … the usual stuff. And I think I’ll be alright if I miss a door knock or if someone shows up un-announced … it usually scares the shit out of Me whether I can hear it or not!

So, I think I’m prepared.

I’ll let you know how it goes and if anyone gets hurt :)


kpm ©