Image

dead peeps ..

‘what? yous don’t talk to your dead people?’ is my new come back.
after a colonised lifetime of fighting to look “normal” re talking to the dead 🙄 this year I decided, fuck it, imma just listen & try & go with it.
so, this will be the first intentional setting of #matariki I have observed. what that meant for our tipuna probs looks way diff than my take on it, but with much debate & negotiation 🙄🤣 it’s ending up as a crossover of #poroporoaki meets #diadelosmuertos with a #hakari to twist it out .. I know, I know 🤣 negotiations included me highlighting to said dead peeps, that I am but one peep & resources & kai are limited atm, so no, your bonoffee pie is gonna have to make nek years menu geez lol & that yes, I hadn’t got my ass into gear & printed off the photos I was going too 🙄 but really, what is a photo but a memory ay 👀🤣 & they agreed, finally 😊
so this is all about honouring my peeps, making sure they are remembered, their stories (whether they be slightly stretched or not .. ) be told. that they know they are loved & missed. that I can shed a tear but smile at the same time.
cos at the end of the day, they are why I’m here right .. & yes, you are welcome 😊 🖤
#thebusiness 🖤😘


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

watching shit ..

here’s an interesting turn of events i shall place my opinion on .. just cos i can.

as i’ve watched the ‘events’ unfold in the last couply weeks, there is a pattern emerging.

its one peeps tend to go through over a longer period of time, especially those that are faced with a traumatic event or illness or disability etc .. [its one i’ve been unfolding for years ..]

theres denial, then embracing & trying to turn it into a positive thing, then exhausting your current resources & energy, then reframing & looking for alternatives, then back to the positive mumbo jumbo, then a lull (depression), then recalibrating & finding more alternatives after your demand for things to go back to the way they use to be dont work .. & then that is followed by another slump & further denial.

in the denial phase there are certain behaviours apparent. one is the ‘fuck you i’ll do what i want’ mentality, another is ‘fuck this im shit scared & gonna be as complaint af so i can get on with it’ aka back to my old life .. within that framework theres a see-saw, from one extreme to the other. that needs to happen to get to the balance that you can live with.

if you dont look at the shit that presents itself, ie our personal shit storm .. & continue on in outright denial .. you will run out of energy & resources.

Because, my furry little friends, shit is not the same. its changing. 

the stuff you could run from & throw yourself in to eg work, play, dissociative BS .. is not longer available for your embellishment. now im all down for a sedative (in whatever form that takes) or 2 .. imo, its necessary to transition.

but heres the kicker .. its got to be a transition.

you gotta make peace with the fact the shit aint the same and is never going to be. you gotta look at the shit that you dread .. which is usually YOU. you gotta do that process no matter whether its sickness, disability, trauma or the current circumstances. 

the reality is .. this present situation, is not a new thing for indigenous people. 

they have been coming for us for years. we are used to this & have learned to work around it. yes, many of us have gone quiet. but we’re watching. & we’re listening. & we’re wondering if you were listening too.

advice : ground yourself .. figure out what you’re made of. NOW. & fast.

dont be ‘that guy’. 

cos, we all still have control of Us. of how we process .. & how we respond. & in all reality, thats all we’ve ever really had control of .


kpm ©


 

reconciling the hormones.

and we have happy hormones!


‘celebrating the little things’

:)


kpm ©


 

Image

reconciling the mother fucking hormones …

All over the dam place.


Thats an apt description of what those little bastards are doing.

The other day I kinda felt like I was getting a wholesome grip on the whole transitional menopausal thing, and feeling slightly grateful for the hormones that are part of my biology. Yah know, the ones that make my uterus shed its fucking lining each month and make Me want to impale someone/s to the nearest tree.

But today I’ve gone from cool and calm to tearful and fucking agitated … to clarity and organised … back to tearful and agitated.

Whilst the period is coming to a close, my insides are still uncomfortable and the anxiety is peaking and dissipating as fast as I can say ‘fuck it all’.

And I am breathing … well trying … and reminding myself that being a biological woman is a beautiful thing … and hey, you’re about to be a Nan again! ‘Your legacy is about to grow again …’ and that couldn’t happen without the assistance of your uterus … blah blah.

And breathing.

Oh my fuck.

Biological womanhood aint all it’s cracked up to be ;)



kpm © : ig @kpm-artist