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southernplayalistic ~ outkast

Southerplayalistic ~ OutKast, 1994

My Fav from OutKast.

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m.e.t.h.o.d. man ~ wu / meth

M.E.T.H.O.D Man ~ Wu Tang Clan / Method Man, 1993

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aint nobody ~ chaka

Aint Nobody – Chaka Khan ft Rufus, 1983

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can’t knock the hustle ~ jay z

Can’t Knock The Hustle ~ Jay Z ft Mary J Blige, 1996

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channel zero ~ lost boyz

Channel Zero – Lost Boyz, 1995

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no one ~ alicia keys

No One – Alicia Keys, 2007

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what was: 1981

#throwback Jun 10, 2015 @ 18:51.

And again, this whole write feels really detached and aloof. I guess when writing about your own shizz and sometimes the more painful shizz; aloof is the only way too go.

Recently I was talking to my Mama about this time in our lives. She recalled things I didn’t. The maemae (sore) that arose, that I still don’t remember, was Me waiting for my father to pick Me up.

I’d had sporadic contact with him and was still ‘hopeful’ that he had actually missed Me all these years and wanted to get to know Me. I guess thats young, naive hopefulness.

Apparently I waited by our letterbox, sitting on my little suitcase, for hours for the father of the year to come and pick Me up. He never arrived. There was no explanation. No apology. No nothing. Which pretty much sums up the relationship there ‘wasn’t’ with him.

Fuckwit fathers leave big holes in their daughters hearts when they can’t be anything but cunty.

I continued to wait for a semi – decent relationship with my father … for years. It’s only been recently that I’ve finally cut all ties with him.

My choice.

My maemae … and my way of dealing with it.

I realise now, he doesn’t deserve a relationship with Me. I’m one badass motherfucker who has strength, attitude, resilience and love abounding. Why waste any of that on someone who does not give a shit about Me.


I remember some of these…

This was the 2nd to last year of primary school. I remember Miss Saunders…her skirts were always way to short for someone who bent over in front small boys all day!

I think we moved houses around this time, and I went to a different school for awhile. Different kids. Different scene. The street we lived on was ‘the other side of the tracks’ type place. Not that we lived anywhere flash before hand … think we were in a flat at the back of a church for awhile after the big ass house burnt down. But this new place, was good … just different.

I don’t remember having friends as such…like ones that I really enjoyed. There was this one girl that just came with the church scene and I couldn’t get rid of her. She was an evil little bitch! She hung around and tormented the shit out of me for years…mutt…I’m working through letting the rage associated with her and her kind go … whew.

I was the little lead swan, in Swan Lake, somewhere around this time … that was cool :) I had a cute little white tutu and all …

I remember having my mouth washed out with soap for saying “shit” lol … I don’t think it worked long term but it certainly did the trick for the short term ;)

We had a goat. It ate everything … literally everything … cos that’s what goats do I suppose. I wonder what happened to him??

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round the way girl ~ L L Cool J

L L Cool J – Around The Way Girl, 1990

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use somebody

Use Somebody – Kings of Leon, 2008

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sunshine reggae ~ laid back

 

Sunshine Reggae ~ Laid Back, 1983