Video

alessia cara ~ here

here ~ alessia cara, 2015

Video

as i am .. HER

her – as i am, 2019

so,

why are they so worried about offending someone/s they don’t even know.

i dont understand.


kpm©

hey, i got an idea ..

how bout we just be.

like create shit & just be.

how revo-fucking-lutionary would that be ay.

*insert eye ball roll*

*sarcasm is flowing today*


kpm©

& ..

i don’t have to apologise. or correct. explain.

or otherwise.

we done with that shit. right.


kpm©

i.

I don’t have to do anything.

not anything I don’t want to.

not anymore.
I don’t have to resign myself .
I don’t have to force myself.


I don’t have to be afraid for the fuck of it or for the greater proverbial good.


The only thing that matters is taking care of me and my safety.
physical.

mental.

spiritual .. me, my whole self.

Most importantly, my body.


She tired.
Tired of being afraid.


kpm©


did i tell yah ..

i thanked my uterus today
.

that was long overdue.


kpm©


hormonal fuckery has a revelation, of sorts.

dear womanly hormones:

pleased to finally make your acquaintance.

i know we haven’t always got along. that you’ve blamed ‘womanhood’ for what happened to you.  but you need to know that what happened to you wasn’t because you were a woman.  it was because that cunt is a perverted asshole.  & your teke was the most available & easiest to fuck with at the time. you were small and controllable & thats all the cunt needed.

so every month you’ve dreaded the definition of being a woman.

but that’s not to blame. being a biological woman gave you your babies & your mokos. without those hormones, those changes in your monthly cycle … you wouldn’t have been able to produce those beautiful little people who grew & had beautiful little people of their own.

you’re whole being is called the whare tangata : the house of humanity.

no cunt, no matter their perversion, can take that from you. they can’t take it from your future generations. from the world.

we are greater than that.


kpm©


 

not.

they can’t kill us. not ever.


kpm ©


 

thought about my nan today,

actually i think about her most days, but today was a little different.

i had always wondered why she never left my grandfather when she appeared to be mostly (except for a few interim moments) pretty miserable.

they fought like cats & dogs & never really had anything nice to say to one another. they co-existed, or so it seemed.

they slept in different rooms & never really attended ‘functions’ together, like i saw other couples do.

there was always an air of animosity & tension.

poor old nan got the blame for most of that.

don’t get me wrong, i love both of my grandparents way beyond i love most things. but there things that my eyes & heart didn’t really understand.

as i become more ‘vocal’ & more of a feminist i suppose, my misplaced disdain for nan being in a situation she really didn’t like, made me question what she was up too.

why didn’t she just move on? start a new life? like my mama had when my father turned out to be a dick.

well, today i caught a glimpse of nans plight. i understood in a new way, why she didn’t or rather, couldn’t, ‘change’ her situation. it was something that i did know really, but not really really. lol. yah know when you really get the gist of something.

nan was a woman. a woman of the pre & post WW2 era. while she was fiercely independent & an entrepreneur & trailblazer of her era; she was limited.

because she was a woman.

where does a woman with no steady income – no ‘credentials’ – no ability to drive let alone purchase a vehicle – no ‘tribe’ that was accepting of her & her life choices (she married a man-of-colour, my grandfather, & was ostracised for it) – no alternatives – with declining mental health issues & daily challenges of small town living & generalised ‘woman misunderstanding’ – with a mouth that challenged the patriarchy @ every turn & was demonised for it.

where does that woman go when there is no where to go?

i guess i hadn’t really understood that sometimes, there is literally No Place To Go.

when that happens, you make a choice – a limited choice, but a choice none-the-less.

you remain in the situation that you know & that you can manoeuvre some type of freedom out of. as limited as that may be, it is better than the weighed up alternative – homelessness. aloneness.

today i understood her.

i understood her choices.

i admire her more than i think i have ever admired her before.


kpm ©


 

Image

update on the hormone un-fuckery.

that last couple periods, i’ve been mapping them a bit closer than usual. since the confirmation of good old peri-menopause, i decided more than ever, that i needed to get a grip on this whole embracing the ‘womanhood’ thing.

i think the first time i was given pain meds for periods, i was about 13. it was the doctors opinion that i was being OTT & that kick ass pain killers would fix everything.

its kinda a crime, i reckon, that something as natural as menstruating, is diagnosed as an illness & an inconvenience, & is then ‘shut up’ or shut down. am i surprised really though? after all i’ve learnt over the years.

womanhood is despised instead of celebrated.

they forget that without that uterus of ours, there’d be no life.

anyway …

with a fine tooth comb, i went over all the ‘symptoms’ that are usually quite unbearable, related to perioding & menopause, cos for me they’re quite similar, just magnified.

i decided awhile ago to go with the natural route re ‘treating’ symptoms. which is a bit fucking hard really.

again … its a lot easier to just shut it down.

so, during these phases, i have the following things to manage: oh, as well as fucking (p)tsd!

  • sore tummy
  • sore boobs … like gonna from off your chest kinda sore!
  • itchy rashes, usually on the lower back
  • sore glands
  • itchy eyes & nose – similar to hayfever
  • cough
  • generally run down
  • gums bleed
  • dizzy
  • hot flushes
  • irritability (more than usual)
  • tearful
  • nauseous
  • achey body
  • headache
  • extreme vertigo
  • memory loss
  • sinus ache
  • panic attacks
  • increased general anxiety
  • sore throat
  • heavy bleeding / clotting
  • insomnia
  • increased sensitivity to light, smells & noise
  • shingles

yeah. thats about it in a nutshell.

so i trolled the symptoms & then the internet to find solutions.

i’m pretty gangstah like that.

& heres what i came up with:

  • remifemin –  helps calm the hot flushes & irritability & as a side effect, also lessens the anxiety.

  • magnesium sleep cream with lavender – helps lessen the anxiety & insomnia & has a cooling effect.

  • raspberry leaf tea – helps with the uterus & tummy cramps. i’ve been adding this to my ‘tea’ concoctions during period times

  • caraway seeds added to brown sugar & hot water for nausea & tummy cramps.

  • whilst trying to flush / detox my system, i’ve been using nettle tea added to oat straw (for anxiety), ginger (for vertigo), & sage (for mood). i’ve also added in half an iron tablet just before my period & stop them 3 days after i finish.

so, what’s the results for moi?

fucking awesome!

i was skeptical AF, as usual: but i pretty much had nothing to lose.

& i’m happy to report that all that shit above, the symptoms, were either completed alleviated & / or halved.

how fucking grateful am i????

hugely!!

& thats all i have to say about that ;)


kpm ©


 

drugs for the pain.

i remember my uterus screaming @ me.

it should’a been screaming @ you yah cunt.


kpm ©


 

? …

petrified womanhood.

pretty sure its a thing.


kpm ©


 

to speak

forgot, that speaking,

or more specifically,

espousing a desire, want,

need,

brings silence.

not of the golden variety.

but the punishment variety.

the variety that silences, You.

that silences Your World.

Your truth.


kpm ©


 

Image

hine-nui-te-po …

turns out

she was whitewashed too.

man-splained away.

somehow, her skirt was too short.

her hair was too bleached.

she was too drunk, too dumb, too …

that the assault was a necessary, if not a slightly unfortunate event.

& moving on.

they shredded her dignity, again

& told another tale.

like any tale of history,

it’s told from the point of view of the cunt who has the most to loose.

she took her ‘shame’ deep deep into the place that would enshroud

protect

and hold her.

there she became what she is known as today.

there, the untold story unfolded.

there, in the darkness

she wept, grieved.

raged, screamed.

moved, ran.

slept, hid.

then smiled, laughed.

then did it all over again & again.

until she embodied her story.

wrote and spoke her narrative.

wept and screamed her truths.

moved and broke her ground.

she, in all her fierce strength,

grace and embodied beauty,

is the hine-nui-te-po,

as explained to me,

by her.


kpm©


 

Video

god is a woman ~ ariana grande

god is a woman ~ ariana grande, 2018

reconciling the hormones.

and we have happy hormones!


‘celebrating the little things’

:)


kpm ©


 

Image

un.fuck.yo’self.

Now this isn’t my photo or meme, and this isn’t where I usually make mindful statements about someone elses arty / meaningful shizz … so apologies to whoever wrote this … my train of thought today was more in response to this rather than to criticise your truth …

So, that said … I found this in my stash of memes and was about to repost, as it had obviously resonated with Me somewhere along the way …

But yah know what … it just doesn’t anymore … and I got issues with it.

image

(meme not written by me)

Little girls don’t learn to be strong and independent from being broken … they learn to walk with a limp. They learn to hate and disassociate … they learn to cope, strategise, steal and survive.

Little girls Should Not Have to Broken to learn how to be strong and independent.

Little girls should be able to depend on those around them, to love her and protect her.

That isn’t her issue … it’s Theirs.

Theres no high-fucking-fives to be had out of being strong and independent from being broken … it’s a stain on our fucking nation that any child is broken!!!

Get my fucking drift????

Strength comes from survival, sure. But would you really wish a whole lot of brokenness on your child so they can become strong and independent? Fuck No!

I think it’s an excuse we’ve all made up so we can justify not having intervened, spoken up, asked the right questions, made the phone call, held the gaze a little longer … all those things that people know they should do but it just feels to darn uncomfortable.

Justifying the strength of a woman later on in her life with the brokenness she has experienced … is not a reason / justification.

It’s a poor fucking excuse for humanity.


kpm ©


 

Image

me & the hormones.

Ok.

So, apparently no biological woman has died from / during Menopause.

But …

Do we know if any partner of a menopausal woman, has been greviously harmed / killed during the course of them saying something extremely stupid to said menopausal woman?

*asking for a friend*


kpm ©


 

Video

woman ~ etta james

woman ~ etta james,1971