Random update of the fluctuating hormones:
- today they’re kicking my ass
- in a nice iced lotus position
- sucking in deep breathes
- wondering when the fuck womanhood will be ‘fun’
- dizzy as fuck
- oh, did i mention, dizzy, like vertigo – dizzy as all Fuck
- so, all the wonderful cleaning things that i need to do
- yes, need … because we have a house inspection apopo (tomorrow)
- yeah, well those bitches aren’t getting done whilst i’m sitting lotus style with ear plugs in, rocking backwards and forwards and trying to find my feng fucking shui
- hormones … fuck y’all
A Love Bizarre ~ Sheila E, 1986
A slightly topsy turvey week on the hormonal front … but I’m slowly getting the hang of it. It just means I can’t go as fast or as full on as I’d like too … it means I need to take regular ‘breaks’ (sounds ironic) from doing what I’m doing … and breath! The ice packs are helping and the weather cooling is also helping! Actually had a day there where I didn’t have one hot flush … Yah!
My insides are in constant pain, but thats nothing new, so has been a little hard to differentiate between whats just a ‘Me-ism’ and whats menopause … but like the rest of it … I’ll get it eventually 😉
The emotional balance, or imbalance – if theres actually such a thing *insert eye ball roll*, has been a little better .. or I’m just embracing it better. I burst into tears at what I would usually call stupid ass shit … and then other stuff makes Me want to start a riot! But I won’t because that’d bring on one kick ass hot flush lol (I know, because I tried 😉 )
I’m still disturbed by the reference to menopause being a ‘womans disease’; it’s been referred to as this in a few conversations this week. I get that its one hell of a pain in the ass and vag and everywhere else, for us biological women … but a disease??? I don’t think so.
That’s another script to flip 😉
#Meme is a cartoon depiction of a biological woman sitting on a male doctors bed, in a hideous pink gown, looking at the doctor like he’s a dick. On the back wall theres a poster of ‘Menopause Symptoms’. The doctor has his script pad in one hand, a pen in the other.
The caption reads: “You need strong medicine to relieve your symptoms. I’m prescribing chocolate.”
Now that sound more like it!!! 😉
ohhh she’s been a rough week … well, not rough … more like maniac then calm …. hmm
Interesting though, mapping it out over the week and seeing its ebbs and flows … I’m still hell’ah uncertain about the differentiation between what it is actual ‘menopause’ and what is anxiety / panic ; unwell ; period … and I ate something that doesn’t agree with Me … if you get my feels.
Some of it I know is due to being an unfeeling cold hearted bitch for most of my life aka disassociated … and some of it is just New.
And then I got to thinking that maybe I’d be better rolling with the thought that it all is OK and all is part of the Whole, and it really doesn’t matter if its the hormones, of the pork I ate, or just a bad ass day. I mean really … who gives a shit … it all still feels pretty much the same and is all pretty fixed by 1 of 3 things …
- alcohol (drugs … whatever works)
- ripping shit up
Except the hot flushes … fuck my life … those are some bastards alright!
So what I noticed this week, was my period (and all it’s biologically womanly glory arrgghhh) finished on one day … 5 days later I was still drained as fuck … like I’d been sucked dry by a vampire. By day 6 I felt ‘Normal’ … as in:
- Shit – check
- Eat – check
- Not to hot – check
- Not fluster fucked – check
- Not dizzy – check
You get my drift.
1 day of that.
1 motherfucking day!
Then I was back to hot as fuck, faint as fuck, dizzy as fuck …
Positive? I got a day of rest … just like Jesus 😉
#meme is a cartoon pic of a biological woman in her bra and undies, looking extremely hot and flustered, spraying herself with a bottle of water.
The caption reads: Menopause means never having to say you’re chilly!
Friday has become Update day: for this week anyways.
And that just about sums of the hormone fuckery for this week.
But for more depth …
- Sunday – slow, sore, clotted, hot/as/fuck, faint, headache, backache … FUCK
- Monday – hot as fuck – Again, pain pain and more annoying pain FUCKIT
- Tuesday – so it’s slowing down UN-FUCK?
- Wednesday – dizzy, slow, tired BUT not as fucking hot
- Thursday – light headed, bleeding slowing right down, nauseous.as.fuck. FUCK
- Friday – thank the goddesses its raining!
But I’m taking notes and thinking “Geez can I do ten years of this shit??”
They’re in a lull …
Think it’s a short lull …
Like a brief reprieve kinda lull.
Thank the goddesses for the lull ay!
I have nothing else to add to todays conundrum,
the partner is still alive 😉
MENstruation MENopause MENtal breakdowns. See? Most of women’s problems begins with men ..
Oh it’s been a long 48 hours … but ‘he’s’ still alive lol.
#meme is a photo of ‘Judge Judy’ in her chair, yelling and the caption reads:
I don’t care you stupid bastard … You NEVER turn the fan off on your menopausal Wife!!!!!
Dude, I don’t even know what to say …
#meme is a cartoon depiction of a biological woman in your swim suit, walking down a snow filled street; in her slippers, also looking rather stressed and hot – pushing a trolly with a generator and fan on it.
The caption reads: Kathy’s hot flashes were becoming severe.